A Pink Christmas

i know you’ve heard of a white Christmas.. and yes, even a blue one (so goes the song). but i bet you never thought of Christmas as pink Ü they say that pink is the color of happiness. hence, when gaudete sunday comes, we light the pink candle in the advent wreath. well, that happens to be my favorite color. and while others may think of red and green this holiday season, for me, this Christmas is pink Ü

only a few weeks ago, i dreaded december. i was afraid of what the Christmas month would have in store for me. yes, i worried about my unfinished Christmas shopping list (still undone, hehe) and the tons of activities lined up - at work and in the ministry. but mostly, i was afraid of the “holiday blues.”

it’s true that special occasions mean rest and relaxation for most - a chance to celebrate and to unwind. but not for me. for the past months, i dreaded birthdays, vacations and other holidays. not because i did not want to relax. i hated them because i was spending them alone for the first time in four years.

breakups are messy. always. but as with all heartaches, the pain heals in time. Ps 30:5 says, “..weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” and i really believe that is true Ü because the Lord wipes away the tears and mends the wounds - no matter how deep they may seem to be at first.

God has used so many people to hasten my healing process - loving parents, friends in the ministry, in the community and even at work. in my busyness, He gives me a sense of accomplishment. in our hectic Christmas carolling schedule, the Lord makes me feel joy and love. yes, He has been faithful to His promise; He has restored me to health and healed all my wounds (Jer 30:17). so that slowly but surely, my fears abated.. and i learned to genuinely smile again Ü

december 2005 is probably my most memorable Christmas ever. because this time, i received truly wonderful gifts from my Special Someone: peace. healing. fulfillment. love. joy. Ü

“You turned my mourning into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” (Ps 30:11) yes, this is a merrily pink Christmas indeed Ü

On CSI and the Advent Season

i love watching CSI and all those other forensic/crime/detective shows aired on TV. it's so fascinating how even the tiniest shred of evidence can point to the guilt or innocence of a person. the assumption is that we all leave traces of ourselves wherever we go. when we visit a room, we may leave behind our fingerprints, or a few strands of hair, or maybe a few drops of our blood. when we come in contact with other people, their "epitheleals" (fancy term for microscopic bits of skin), as well as fibers from their clothing may rub off on us, and vice versa. we may not be aware of it, but we do leave our marks on all the places we visit.. on all the people we meet.

a single fingerprint, a single strand of hair can say so much about me. yet what is more amazing is that among the billions of people in this planet, not one of them has exactly the same fingerprint as mine. i am unique.. "fearfully and wonderfully made.." (Ps 139:14). and because God made me as such, i am accountable for my actions.. and how i make use of His gifts to me.

yes, i leave behind my prints wherever i go. but those are not the only proofs of my presence in (or absence from) a place. people know i haven't gone to my desk yet when they see the unarranged piles of papers on top of my table. students know i've been in the classroom for quite some time when they see lots of writing on the board. my friends know i'm around when they spot a newspaper turned to the page with a partially-finished crossword puzzle.

i leave behind traces of myself on the people i come in contact with. my knowledge is imparted to the hundreds of students i've taught. my values and beliefs i have shared with friends and loved ones. and there are times when a smile or a frown from me would brighten or dampen someone's day. yes, my actions, as well as the things people associate with me, reveal a lot more about me than i'm normally aware of.

it is humbling to know that everything i say or do leaves an undeniable mark on the places i visit and on the people i know. as fr. mar said in one of his homilies, "if time should come that someone accuses you of being a christian, would there be enough evidence?" a timely advent question. i ask myself: does my presence bring cheer or gloom to our home? when co-workers look at the way i do my job, will they want to emulate me or do the exact opposite? do i bring friends closer to the Lord, or do my actions encourage them to turn away from Him instead? is there really enough evidence to convict me of being a christian?

the answer to that question, i'm not really sure of. because though sometimes i do good, oftentimes i stumble too. i sometimes inspire others, yet at times i cause them to fall.

but i find hope in what paul wrote in phil 1:6, "..He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of jesus christ." others may not see enough proof of my being a child of God. not yet, at least. but He is working in me.. and i'm working with Him. so that someday, others will see that indeed, there is complete and irrefutable evidence to convict me of being His child Ü