coming back home

she’s a sophomore student. friendly. cute. with a nice, dimply smile. she’s the apple of her mother’s eye.

she’s also the one who stole her schoolmate’s videocam.

we (members of the school’s disciplinary board) called her and her mother to a conference last week. we laid out the testimonies of witnesses and the summary of the initial investigation. with tears in her eyes, she admitted to stealing her friend’s camera with the intention of pawning it. her mother was shocked. ashamed. disappointed. and hurt.

after the conference, she apologized to the friend she stole from. her “sorry”s came out in sobs. she could hardly breathe. but her mom sat beside her. apologizing with her. crying with her. bearing the shame with her.

in a few days, she will face the consequences of her actions. she may be suspended for a couple of days. she will have to replace the item she stole. and she may also have to cope with the stigma of being branded a “thief” by her peers. it will be difficult. but somehow, i believe that she’ll come out of this a better person. because she has a mother who’s willing to help her carry the burden.

brothers and sisters, this is our story too. at some point in our lives, we do something ridiculously stupid. we make mistakes. we stumble. we fall into sin. we turn away from our Father.

like the prodigal son, we leave our home to search for adventure. and because He respects our freedom, the Lord allows us to commit our own mistakes. He lets us discover for ourselves that which He always knew: He alone can satisfy our desires.

and when we find that there’s nowhere else to go.. we shamefacedly go back home.

yet even from a long way off, our Father sees us. and He not only awaits our return, He comes running to meet us. because no matter how deep the wounds we cause, the Lord offers His pardon. where we see despair, God sees hope. and where there is much hurt, our Father heals with His love.

* * *

Lord, it is a source of great comfort to know that no matter how far we stray from Your side, all we need to do is to turn around.. and we will always find You there.. welcoming us back with arms wide open. thank You for not condemning us. thank You for bearing our cross.. our shame. thank You for dying for our sins. thank You for continuing to look at us with eyes of hope and love. and thank You for always welcoming us back home. amen.

is it panic time?

hahaha. this comic strip (http://xkcd.com) is just soooo me. yep.. this is my typical brand of humor. wry and just a tad bit too nerdy, hahaha :p

it’s september once again. and, as is usually the case, i find myself in *that* kind of mood again. no, i’m not depressed or melancholy. that rarely happens to me nowadays. but my birth month always seems to bring about a certain kind of edginess and irritability that i could not understand.

i will be turning 31 in a couple of weeks. and while i have nothing against the number 31 (it’s a nice prime number after all, hahaha) i have to admit that i’m not all that happy about being “old.”

ok, it’s not the “growing old” part that i really mind. it’s the “growing up to be an old maid” part that sort of gets to me :p personally, i don’t think there’s anything weird with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. but people seem to think otherwise. i don’t really understand why so many people often associate moods/actions with one’s lovelife (or the nonexistence of it).
“uyy.. blooming ka ah. may papa ka na siguro..”
“hmm.. medyo mataray ka ngayon ah. sige ka, magiging old maid ka nyan..”
“kelan ka ba mag-aasawa? masyado ka ‘yatang mapili kasi..”

am i running out of time? the strip above says i’m doing just fine. and, being such a math-geek, i’d have to agree, haha :)

i enjoy dressing up. i try to make myself look nice. not for anyone else.. but for *me*. and while i do have my “snappy” moments, i certainly hope my “taray” look would not be enough to intimidate any future life partner (otherwise, he simply won’t be worth it haha). and as for marriage?! wahahahaha. boyfriend na lang muna. hindi pa ako handa para diyan :p

psalm 37:4 says “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” even at this age, i know i still have a lot of growing up to do. and before i start seeking my prince charming, i think i’d have to concentrate on delighting myself in my Prince first :) meantime, that special guy will just have to wait :p

under my skin

last friday, i attended a gathering hosted by our senior students’ parents. as one of the advisers, i was asked to introduce myself to the group. so i told them something like “ako po si prof. velasquez, grade 10 level coordinator at adviser ng 10-acacia. ako rin po ang teacher ng mga anak ninyo sa trigonometry/calculus.” and that was that. after all, what else did they need to know about me?

but if i had wanted to *really* describe myself, i probably would have said something like this..

my name is roselle velasquez. but almost everybody in this community calls me sis rox. i regularly write for the newsletter and am part of the print media publication ministry. i’m also a music minister and i sing in the alto section of the choir. i teach mathematics to high school students. sometimes i’m also asked to teach college and graduate math courses. i have no siblings but i have one soulmate and cousins-turned-adopted-brothers/sisters. my hobbies are reading, singing, writing and surfing the net. i love the colors pink and red, as well as the non-color black. i collect pens, paper clips and post it notes. i like the smell of whiteboard markers and i’m a spongebob & danny phantom fan. i can do cursive mirror writing but i don’t know how to cook. my favorite animal is a dragon and i’m afraid of cockroaches..

i could go on and describe myself for an entire day.. but in the end, all of these words would simply paint a picture of the outer me. facts. trivia. my work. my likes/dislikes. the stuff i do. the people i’m with. things that may be true today, but not tomorrow.

who am i? we spend our entire lives discovering the answer to this question. what defines me? when i am no longer able to work.. when the people i care for have all gone away.. when the years have caused my body to undergo so many changes.. what will be left of me? who will i become? and will i still recognize the person inside?

in last sunday’s homily, fr. mar said that true peace comes from accepting yourself for who you are - knowing your strengths as well as your limitations. the truly humble people are those who readily admit their faults.. and yet also graciously admit their accomplishments, knowing that these are all done through the power of God.

i wish i had a special mirror that would enable me to look inside and see the *real* me. i want to know the person the Lord sees each time He gazes lovingly at me. i wish i knew what causes her to fall so i could help her heal. i wish i understood why He loves her unconditionally so i could help her love herself just a bit more. and i wish i could see more of love.. more of Jesus.. reflected in her.

* * *

Lord, You are the only one who sees me inside and out. You know my thoughts, You know my deeds, You know my heart. beyond my smiles, beyond my tears, You see what lies under my skin. allow me to see myself the way You do, Lord, that i may humbly grow in Your love and walk in Your way. amen.

the view from the passenger seat

it took a while before i learned to enjoy the benefits of driving. my motor skills are not what you’d call exemplary (or normal, to begin with!).. so it was some time before i even managed to park my car properly (and not at all times, at that.. haha!). but eventually, i did learn to love driving.. and the feeling of freedom and independence i get everytime i get behind the wheel :)

like so many people, i now enjoy driving. i feel happy that i can (almost) effortlessly go from one place to another. i don’t have to wait for a ride to go to school. i don’t have to inhale the noxious gases so abundantly found in the streets of the metro. thanks to airconditioning, i don’t have to worry about the searing heat of the sun. neither should i worry about getting wet in the rain (well.. floods are a different story.. but you get my drift). and best of all, i get to spend precious “alone time” - where i’m all by myself.. listening to whatever i want to listen to on the radio or on tape/cd.

yeah.. i do love to drive. but honestly? i think the best times for me are still when i’m in the passenger seat :) not only do i enjoy most of the benefits i mentioned earlier; i also have the added bonus of having a great driver (usually my dad.. hehe :p) in charge! ‘coz you see, as a driver, i easily get lost. seriously. i’d probably need to pass through *exactly the same route* at least 10x before i memorize how to get to a particular destination. haha. i am soooo totally “directionally-challenged.” :p

and the same goes with my life. oh, sure.. it’s a blast, having control over the different aspects of life - career, community, friendships, romance (?!), etc. but oftentimes, i find i’m not really all that good at pinpointing which direction i should go.. which way i must take. i’d get stuck in a rut.. fall into all sorts of potholes.. go round and round in circles.. get trapped in one-way streets and the like. but the good thing is i have the Greatest Driver ever :) and His directions are *always* right.. His guiding hand *always* ready to steer me to safety.. His way *always* leading to the light.

ahhh. the view from the passenger seat sure is wonderful.. :D

anong bakasyon?!

20 august 2007. wala na namang pasok. halos isang linggo na akong hindi nakakapag-lecture sa mga estudyante ko. salamat kay chedeng at kay egay, naging sikat ang announcement na “classes in all levels are suspended” haha. ‘yan tuloy.. ang haba ng bakasyon namin.

pero teka. bakasyon nga ba?! sa totoo lang, dumaan ang mga nakaraang araw nang halos hindi ako nakakapagpahinga. hindi ako nakakalagi sa bahay.. hindi nakakanood ng sine.. hindi nakaka-gimik at hindi nakakalibot sa mga bagong lugar. bakit? dahil kung kailan walang pasok, saka naman nagsunud-sunod ang mga gawain namin sa ministry :p

maraming kailangang araling mga kanta. at medyo mahirap pang kabisaduhin ang mga tono. sa totoo lang, napapanaginipan ko na nga na may quartet kami (at isang beses, nagising ako na kumakanta ako! yikes!).

enjoy naman ang practice. masaya (lalo na kung panay tulad naming mga kalog ang nandodoon, haha!). pero minsan syempre, nakakapagod din sa katawan. hindi biro ang kumanta mula umaga hanggang hapon (totoo ‘to - dalawang araw kaming nag-whole day practice!). kaya nga saludo ako sa mga kasama ko sa ministry. mga nilalagnat, inuubo, masakit ang ulo, walang boses.. pero pumupunta pa rin para mag-practice (at hindi pa suspended ang mga pasok ng mga ‘yan ha!)

hayy. nakakahilo na ‘ata talaga ang schedule namin. pero sa totoo lang, pagdating ko sa bahay, nawawala lahat ng pagod ko :) kulang man sa tulog.. hilo at masakit ang lalamunan.. basta pag-uwi ko, nakakaramdam ako ng malaking ginhawa :) dahil pagdating ko sa amin, alam kong makakasama ko na ulit ang mga taong pinakamahal sa akin. at alam kong natutuwa silang nakabalik na ako. kaya may lakas ako para makipag-kwentuhan, makipagbiruan, tumulong nang kaunti sa mga naipong trabaho (tsk tsk.. hirap ng walang kasambahay!!). in short, tanggal talaga ang pagod :) sabi nga ng beatles..

“it’s been a hard day’s night and i’ve been working like a dog / it’s been a hard day’s night. i should be sleeping like a log / but when i get home to you / i find the things that you do / would make me feel all right..”

sana kaya rin nating sabihin ang mga katagang ito sa Diyos, ‘no? sana masasabi rin natin sa Kanya na kahit anupaman ang nangyari sa araw natin.. kahit gaano ka-busy tayo.. kahit masama ang pakiramdam natin, basta’t nakasama natin Siya, napapawi ang lahat ng pagod. at nagiging masaya ang buhay :)

* * *

Panginoon, marami po kaming mga alalahanin. abala po kami sa trabaho, sa mga gawain sa community at sa pagsisilbi sa aming mga pamilya. sana po, sa lahat ng ginagawa namin, makita namin ang Inyong mukhang nagagalak sa aming mga alay. dahil makita lamang namin Kayong nakangiti ay sapat na upang mapawi ang pagod at mabigyan kami ng panibagong lakas upang magsilbi at maglingkod sa Inyo :) amen.

an odd place to be in

this isn't really an inspirational post. there's nothing heartwarming to read in this entry. nothing God-related (or so i think). but it does reveal some of my recent musings. and it shows how far my wandering mind goes.. all thanks to a funny strip.

as the title says, it's an "odd place" to put this entry. but what the heck. read on. on the off chance that you pick up something useful..


has this ever happened to you? you're walking around the mall when someone shouts out your name, approaches you and launches into the familiar "hey-how've-you-been-long-time-no-see" conversation starter? you look quizzically at him/her.. while at the same time answering numerous questions and listening to his/her funny anecdotes. you nod once in a while, laugh at his/her jokes, politely ask general questions about family/friends/work while simultaneously trying to place this odd person who's striking up an uncomfortable conversation with you.

mercifully, after several agonizing minutes, he/she utters the blessed words "well, i guess i'll just see you around again then" and leaves. and you still have no idea who the heck you were talking to. you were too darned "polite" to ask his/her name.

yeah, well, all of us were taught to be polite. to not hurt other people's feelings. to always look cheerful and friendly. so we learn to stop saying bluntly honest statements children normally say (like "your fly is open"). we learn to hide our ignorance and weaknesses. we learn to pretend that we know a lot of things. we learn to put on masks. lots of masks.

and we're willing to do *anything* to let the charade continue. we keep up the pretenses.. even at the risk of losing ourselves. we plow through life pretending to be people we're not.. making decisions and commitments we can't really keep (or stubbornly sticking to our choices, even when we know they are wrong) all because we want to prove to others that we are strong.. that we always know what's right.

silly, huh?

but that's life.

and really, it's an odd place to be.

making rainwishes

"rain, rain, go away. come again another day. ‘cause little children want to play”

unlike a lot of kids, i never really recited those lines. why should i? i love it when it rains. i love grey skies and the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof. i love curling up in my warm bed as i listen to the rain outside my window. i love the rain so much that i *always* make rainwishes. haha. i’m not called rainlover for nothing :)

well, now i’m not the only one looking up to the high heavens waiting for the rain to come. because of the dry spell in luzon, and all the trouble that lack of water has caused in different provinces, a lot of people have now turned into rainwishers as well. cardinal rosales has issued a circular that included an obligatory prayer to ask for rain. in some areas, they even have rain dancers! in all these years, this is the first time i’ve ever seen so many people asking for rain at the same time.

last july, pagasa says the dry spell will continue until august.. and that the rains will probably come sometime next month. they said that less tropical cyclones are expected to enter the country these coming months, so the wet season will come much later than expected. meantime, we just have to be content with the occasional afternoon shower - definitely not enough to replenish the depleted water supply.
i, however, choose to believe otherwise. as someone who’s been making rainwishes for years, i know that the One who makes the rain fall will grant the prayers of the thousands of faithful who implore His help.

just a couple of days after cardinal rosales issued his circular, pagasa says that a tropical storm (still unnamed) could enter the country within the week. hmmm. coincidence? maybe. but again, i choose to believe otherwise.

i remember a story i read a few years back. it was about a town that had not gotten any rainfall in more than a year. so the pastor gathered everyone in the town square to pray for rain. they held a vigil.. they had special rain dances, songs, worship, etc. and then the rain came pouring down. and everyone scrambled for shelter. except for one little girl - the only one with enough faith to bring an umbrella.

matt 21:22 says, “if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." a lot of times, though, when we pray, our faith.. our belief.. is only half-hearted. we lack that expectant faith that believes 100% in His provision and His miracle.

when we pray - whether it be for healing, for guidance or for rain - let us believe.. let us trust.. let us expect ü for we know we have a God who *always* answers our prayers. Who knows our needs even before we ask Him ü