what can i give you this christmas?

“what can i give you this christmas? Something sparkling to go with your eyes..?” december is such a hectic month. traffic is terrible. queues at grocery and department stores are sooooo long! it’s difficult to find a place to hang out ‘coz parking lots are almost always full. there are so many parties and events to attend that no december day on my planner is vacant.

i guess this month has always been one of the most stressful for me. and it isn’t just the traffic or the hectic schedule that makes me uptight. what really occupies my thoughts during the holiday season is one question: “what do i give my friends/loved ones for christmas?” for me, this question isn’t something that’s easy to answer. there are many things to consider, after all.. such as: (1) what does he/she want? (2) do i know where to buy it? (3) is it something that his/her other friends might get for him/her? (4) can i afford to give him/her that gift?.. and so on.

christmas was *way* more fun when i was younger. haha. when you’re a kid, you’re only excited to get presents. you don’t worry about what to buy for your friends (usually your mom/dad does that for you). and you certainly don’t concern yourself with stuff like budget, parking and the like. you just wait for your gift.. and tear through tons of presents and envelopes with christmas money.

now that i’m older, though, the Christmas season feels so different. it’s busy. it’s rushed. it’s hectic. it’s stressful. and somehow, the fun and excitement i used to feel just got hidden away somewhere :(

it’s really hard to come up with that *perfect* gift for that *perfect* someone. personally, I find it so much harder to look for gifts for those who are close to me. probably it’s ‘coz nothing seems good enough. and the stuff that i want to give, i cannot afford :( and it just sucks. and i thought, maybe the same is true with me and God. i try to do so many things.. try to dream up ways by which i could please Him. and more often than not, i end up frustrated because i simply cannot be perfect. and I cannot be content with my offering because it’s not good enough.

“what can i give You this christmas?” yes, Lord what *can* i give You? as the song goes, “what can we give that You have not given? and what do we have that is not already Yours?” hmmm.. i don’t have much to offer. nothing perfect. nothing good enough, even. “but i’ll give You my heart and my own true love.. that will last the whole year through..”

and maybe, that’s all You want from me, after all :) happy birthday, Jesus! and i hope You can make use of my gift for You this year :)