way back into love

“the christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us..” (c.s. lewis)

one time, i told a sister in the community, “mag-contribute ka naman ng article sa newsletter natin.. tamang-tama, alam kong may maise-share ka ngayon” and she replied, “naku, hindi ko talent ‘yang pagsulat! nakakahiya naman. hindi ako magaling dyan” so i told her, “ok lang ‘yan. kahit tagalog/taglish; basta masabi mo ‘yung gusto mong i-share. ‘yung laman naman ang importante dun di ba?” so she wrote an article.. we did some minor editing.. and her sharing was printed in the next issue. now she contributes to the newsletter more regularly ü

i noticed that a lot of people (myself included) think the same way. we’re so afraid of not being good enough that we end up not doing anything at all. hindi maganda ang boses ko kaya hindi na lang ako kakanta sa worship. matigas ang katawan ko; nakakahiya namang makisayaw sa congregation. bagong member pa lang naman ako; wala pa akong mako-contribute na suggestion sa meeting. masyadong maliit naman itong pera ko; next time na lang ako maghuhulog sa collection box. the list of our excuses goes on and on.

last wednesday, for example. i had second thoughts going to megamall. i was hot, tired and feeling cranky because of a splitting headache. i wasn’t “in the mood” to sing. i definitely didn’t feel inspired or “holy.”

but i was assigned to sing; so i did. my headache and exhaustion got in the way, though.. so i started off doing things mechanically. i’d force myself to smile.. to dance along.. to clap my hands. i was thinking, “ka-plastic-an ba ‘tong ginagawa ko? hindi ko naman ‘feel’ mag-worship ngayon.. dapat ko pa bang ituloy ‘to?”

as the prayer leaders led us into worship, though, the heaviness in me started to lift. the tiredness left me and it became easier to smile, to dance, to clap and to raise my hands ü soon, i didn’t have to condition myself to worship - i already felt in the mood for it!

i learned an important lesson, then. the best gift we can offer to God is who we are, right now - frailties and all. because oftentimes, it is not perfection that He asks from us, but the simple act of offering itself.

at this moment, i am still so far from being Christ-like. i am not a perfect lover. there are so many things i have yet to learn about loving others.. about loving Him. but the best way back into love is to just love. to keep practicing it even when it’s difficult.. even when it hurts.. even when it doesn’t make much sense to do so anymore. because that’s what i’m called to do. because that’s the only way i will ever learn to love perfectly. and because loving imperfectly is still better than not loving at all ü

keep on walking, brothers and sisters! His love will see you through.. ü

fragile things

"it occurs to me that the peculiarity of most things we think of as fragile is how tough they truly are.

there were tricks we did with eggs, as children, to show how they were, in reality, tiny load-bearing marble halls; while the beat of the wings of a butterfly in the right place, we are told, can create a hurricane across an ocean.

hearts may break, but hearts are the toughest of muscles, able to pump for a lifetime, seventy times a minute, and scarecely falter along the way. even dreams, the most delicate and intangible of things, can prove remarkably difficult to kill.."

-neil gaiman

i was looking for a picture to place in this issue’s front cover and happened upon this quote from my blog. i posted it several days ago; but i realized that it ties in really well with the picture i found.

Christ on the cross. what could seem more fragile.. more vulnerable than that? a King helplessly nailed to a tree. broken. shamed. dying painfully amidst taunts and jeers. the image is the epitome of fragility.

and yet, ironically, the image of the cross is also the strongest, most enduring symbol of tough love. throughout the years, billions of people.. billions of souls have been saved.. simply because they believed in Christ’s one act of total love.

because He allowed Himself to be vulnerable.. and because He made Himself fragile, Jesus became, for every one of us, the best inspiration for true love.

author paulo coelho says, “the strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” (eleven minutes) but i say there is *nothing* at all fragile about God’s love for us. our Savior may have *looked* vulnerable; His body may have been crushed; His bones broken. but Jesus endured all the pain and suffering because of one thing: His love for the Father.. His love for us.

brothers and sisters, we may feel broken and hurting. our bodies may be weak and failing. but let us not allow our fragility to dampen our spirits. we are strong. we are tough. and we will conquer. because we have a Savior Who loves us. and He will overcome :)

music & lyrics

“songs remain. they last. the right song can turn an emperor into a laughingstock, can bring down dynasties. a song can last long after the events and the people in it are dust and dreams are gone.” -neil gaiman, (anansi boys)

“talaga, math ang tinuturo mo?!?” hmm. that’s usually the unbelieving response i get from those who find out for the first time that, indeed, i am a math teacher. most people assume i’m either (1) a music student - ‘coz i am usually tasked to bring the clearbook with piano pieces; or (2) an english major - ‘coz you’d always find my nose stuck in a book; and ‘coz i am most comfortable conversing in english.

i guess my love for music and language just shines through naturally. i’m a sucker for songs with great lyrics (quotable quotes galore!).. my room is cluttered with books and CDs.. and you can rarely drag me anywhere without a thick novel or my trusty mp3 player.

i have a passion for music and words. they help me get through the toughest days. they allow me to express my deepest thoughts and feelings. and more importantly, it is through singing in the choir and writing in the newsletter that i am able to serve the Lord - hopefully ministering to others and touching hearts in the process ü

but let me tell you something: i’m *not* an extraordinary reader/writer; and i’m *not* a great singer/musician. i just happen to be a math geek who loves music and books. i get writer’s block and fumble for the right words to say. my voice is not “solo” material (for which i am sort of grateful, hahaha) and the last time i played the piano was during my recital more than a decade ago. i am *not* the best singer/writer; but i *do my best* in my service. why? because i love what i do. and because i love the One to whom i offer my talents ü

it is often said that we ought to “do small things with great love.” and to that, i say AMEN! ü in the end, i believe what matters most isn’t really how flawlessly i am able to sing or write.. but how much love, how much passion i put into it.

how much passion do we have for the Lord? how easily can people identify us as Christians? are we as enthusiastic when we talk about God as we are when we talk about our other interests?

all of us have felt God’s loving presence in our lives. we each have our own stories that witness to His goodness and faithfulness. He has blessed us with the capability to express our love and gratitude. He also provided a venue for us to serve Him and minister to others through this community. so express your love for God! ü join a ministry.. worship enthusiastically.. share your inspiring stories.. encourage others.. and do everything with love!

because we are God’s song. and others will hear His music.. His words.. through us. the love we pour into our service will radiate to those we minister to. and it will last.. long after we “are dust and dreams are gone.”

offer up your “five loaves and two fish” brothers and sisters! in His hands, it will bless more lives than you can ever imagine ü