prayer in silence

i drove around the campus today, after my morning class. i do that a lot.. when i need to think.. when i need to be by myself. as usual, the weather reflected my mood. it wasn't sunny; but it wasn't rainy either. the sky was downcast - as if it couldn't decide whether it should let the sun shine through, or open up to let the rain pour down. pretty much the way i felt.

anyway, after driving around for a while, i dropped by the adoration chapel. i don't usually do that; but today, i felt strangely drawn to the place. at first, i didn't want to go there - too many hurting memories to remember; and i wasn't sure just what to pray for. but the compulsion to visit the blessed sacrament was strong; and so eventually, i did go.

it's been a while since my last visit to the adoration chapel. as i knelt down to pray, there was one overpowering feeling inside me: awe. i felt myself trembling as i closed my eyes to pray. but my "prayer" today was different. in fact, i could not remember asking the Lord for anything. all i knew was that at the time, i felt He called me to come visit Him. and i did. and while i knelt before Him, i truly felt He was there.. enjoying my presence.. feeling my pain.. seeing my hidden hurts.. listening to my unspoken wishes. i did not have to say anything. i just knew that God already heard my prayer.. though i uttered no words.

God's love is truly awesome. not only is it unconditional.. it also is ever-present.. eternal.. and healing. it's the kind of love that does not wait for me to seek it. instead, it reaches out.. breaking down all barriers.. calling my name over and over until i cannot help but respond in turn. it is the love that makes me see the sunshine behind stormy clouds. the love that soothes. the love that heals. the love that changes me from inside out, bit by bit.

1 John 4:19 says, "We love because He first loved us." the Lord loves me! and i know someday, His love will teach me how to love Him back perfectly..