525,600

tomorrow i will be celebrating my 31st birthday. a year older.. and hopefully a year wiser ü and as with special occasions, this is another one of those times when i pause to reflect on what’s happened to me for the past year.

at first blush, “one year” doesn’t seem like such a long time. but after doing some mental math (ok, i admit, i had to use a calculator), i realized that 1 year = 365 days = 8,760 hours = 525,600 minutes. i know.. it’s practically the same amount of time. but looking at that really big number kinda put some things in perspective for me.

“..in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. in 525,600 minutes, how do you measure a year in life?”

so goes the song (“seasons of love” from the musical, ‘rent’). if it’s true that every moment counts, then those 525,600 minutes represent short yet extremely irreplaceable moments. they are minutes that may be used in so many different ways. to smile at a stranger or say hello to a friend; to kiss a loved one or to hold a sick person’s hand; to give a hug or to text an inspiring thought; to utter a prayer of thanksgiving or to give an encouraging word; to say what’s in the heart - like “i love you” or “i’m sorry.” the list goes on and on..

when i look back at the year that’s passed, i’d have to admit that out of those 525,600 minutes, quite a number were spent unwisely. there were those times when i frowned or glared at people.. moments when i hurried past my friends. i’ve been guilty of taking loved ones for granted.. and of being selfish in giving my time and energy to those who are closest to me. there were occasions when i failed to give a kind word to someone who needed it. i often refused to say what was in my heart. and lot of times, i neglected to thank Him for His blessings and his grace.

“525,600 minutes. 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes. how can you measure the life of a woman or man? in truths that she learned, or in times that he cried? in bridges he burned, or the way that she died?

..how about love? measure in love..”

525,600 minutes. that’s the same number of moments given to all of us each year, brothers and sisters. the only difference between a bad year and a good one is how much love we put into each of those minutes ü as sisters yna, loly and maris said in their sharing last week, every moment is a gift from the Lord. there are no such things as “bad” times when we are walking the Christian walk. every minute is an opportunity for us to experience God’s tremendous love ü we are alive - to witness to His goodness, mercy and love. that, in itself, should make us truly grateful ü

thank You, Lord, for the past 525,600 precious minutes You have given me. help me to use the next 525,600 ones to share more of Your love with others.. and to give more of Your glory back to You ü

coming back home

she’s a sophomore student. friendly. cute. with a nice, dimply smile. she’s the apple of her mother’s eye.

she’s also the one who stole her schoolmate’s videocam.

we (members of the school’s disciplinary board) called her and her mother to a conference last week. we laid out the testimonies of witnesses and the summary of the initial investigation. with tears in her eyes, she admitted to stealing her friend’s camera with the intention of pawning it. her mother was shocked. ashamed. disappointed. and hurt.

after the conference, she apologized to the friend she stole from. her “sorry”s came out in sobs. she could hardly breathe. but her mom sat beside her. apologizing with her. crying with her. bearing the shame with her.

in a few days, she will face the consequences of her actions. she may be suspended for a couple of days. she will have to replace the item she stole. and she may also have to cope with the stigma of being branded a “thief” by her peers. it will be difficult. but somehow, i believe that she’ll come out of this a better person. because she has a mother who’s willing to help her carry the burden.

brothers and sisters, this is our story too. at some point in our lives, we do something ridiculously stupid. we make mistakes. we stumble. we fall into sin. we turn away from our Father.

like the prodigal son, we leave our home to search for adventure. and because He respects our freedom, the Lord allows us to commit our own mistakes. He lets us discover for ourselves that which He always knew: He alone can satisfy our desires.

and when we find that there’s nowhere else to go.. we shamefacedly go back home.

yet even from a long way off, our Father sees us. and He not only awaits our return, He comes running to meet us. because no matter how deep the wounds we cause, the Lord offers His pardon. where we see despair, God sees hope. and where there is much hurt, our Father heals with His love.

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Lord, it is a source of great comfort to know that no matter how far we stray from Your side, all we need to do is to turn around.. and we will always find You there.. welcoming us back with arms wide open. thank You for not condemning us. thank You for bearing our cross.. our shame. thank You for dying for our sins. thank You for continuing to look at us with eyes of hope and love. and thank You for always welcoming us back home. amen.

is it panic time?

hahaha. this comic strip (http://xkcd.com) is just soooo me. yep.. this is my typical brand of humor. wry and just a tad bit too nerdy, hahaha :p

it’s september once again. and, as is usually the case, i find myself in *that* kind of mood again. no, i’m not depressed or melancholy. that rarely happens to me nowadays. but my birth month always seems to bring about a certain kind of edginess and irritability that i could not understand.

i will be turning 31 in a couple of weeks. and while i have nothing against the number 31 (it’s a nice prime number after all, hahaha) i have to admit that i’m not all that happy about being “old.”

ok, it’s not the “growing old” part that i really mind. it’s the “growing up to be an old maid” part that sort of gets to me :p personally, i don’t think there’s anything weird with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. but people seem to think otherwise. i don’t really understand why so many people often associate moods/actions with one’s lovelife (or the nonexistence of it).
“uyy.. blooming ka ah. may papa ka na siguro..”
“hmm.. medyo mataray ka ngayon ah. sige ka, magiging old maid ka nyan..”
“kelan ka ba mag-aasawa? masyado ka ‘yatang mapili kasi..”

am i running out of time? the strip above says i’m doing just fine. and, being such a math-geek, i’d have to agree, haha :)

i enjoy dressing up. i try to make myself look nice. not for anyone else.. but for *me*. and while i do have my “snappy” moments, i certainly hope my “taray” look would not be enough to intimidate any future life partner (otherwise, he simply won’t be worth it haha). and as for marriage?! wahahahaha. boyfriend na lang muna. hindi pa ako handa para diyan :p

psalm 37:4 says “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” even at this age, i know i still have a lot of growing up to do. and before i start seeking my prince charming, i think i’d have to concentrate on delighting myself in my Prince first :) meantime, that special guy will just have to wait :p

under my skin

last friday, i attended a gathering hosted by our senior students’ parents. as one of the advisers, i was asked to introduce myself to the group. so i told them something like “ako po si prof. velasquez, grade 10 level coordinator at adviser ng 10-acacia. ako rin po ang teacher ng mga anak ninyo sa trigonometry/calculus.” and that was that. after all, what else did they need to know about me?

but if i had wanted to *really* describe myself, i probably would have said something like this..

my name is roselle velasquez. but almost everybody in this community calls me sis rox. i regularly write for the newsletter and am part of the print media publication ministry. i’m also a music minister and i sing in the alto section of the choir. i teach mathematics to high school students. sometimes i’m also asked to teach college and graduate math courses. i have no siblings but i have one soulmate and cousins-turned-adopted-brothers/sisters. my hobbies are reading, singing, writing and surfing the net. i love the colors pink and red, as well as the non-color black. i collect pens, paper clips and post it notes. i like the smell of whiteboard markers and i’m a spongebob & danny phantom fan. i can do cursive mirror writing but i don’t know how to cook. my favorite animal is a dragon and i’m afraid of cockroaches..

i could go on and describe myself for an entire day.. but in the end, all of these words would simply paint a picture of the outer me. facts. trivia. my work. my likes/dislikes. the stuff i do. the people i’m with. things that may be true today, but not tomorrow.

who am i? we spend our entire lives discovering the answer to this question. what defines me? when i am no longer able to work.. when the people i care for have all gone away.. when the years have caused my body to undergo so many changes.. what will be left of me? who will i become? and will i still recognize the person inside?

in last sunday’s homily, fr. mar said that true peace comes from accepting yourself for who you are - knowing your strengths as well as your limitations. the truly humble people are those who readily admit their faults.. and yet also graciously admit their accomplishments, knowing that these are all done through the power of God.

i wish i had a special mirror that would enable me to look inside and see the *real* me. i want to know the person the Lord sees each time He gazes lovingly at me. i wish i knew what causes her to fall so i could help her heal. i wish i understood why He loves her unconditionally so i could help her love herself just a bit more. and i wish i could see more of love.. more of Jesus.. reflected in her.

* * *

Lord, You are the only one who sees me inside and out. You know my thoughts, You know my deeds, You know my heart. beyond my smiles, beyond my tears, You see what lies under my skin. allow me to see myself the way You do, Lord, that i may humbly grow in Your love and walk in Your way. amen.