under my skin

last friday, i attended a gathering hosted by our senior students’ parents. as one of the advisers, i was asked to introduce myself to the group. so i told them something like “ako po si prof. velasquez, grade 10 level coordinator at adviser ng 10-acacia. ako rin po ang teacher ng mga anak ninyo sa trigonometry/calculus.” and that was that. after all, what else did they need to know about me?

but if i had wanted to *really* describe myself, i probably would have said something like this..

my name is roselle velasquez. but almost everybody in this community calls me sis rox. i regularly write for the newsletter and am part of the print media publication ministry. i’m also a music minister and i sing in the alto section of the choir. i teach mathematics to high school students. sometimes i’m also asked to teach college and graduate math courses. i have no siblings but i have one soulmate and cousins-turned-adopted-brothers/sisters. my hobbies are reading, singing, writing and surfing the net. i love the colors pink and red, as well as the non-color black. i collect pens, paper clips and post it notes. i like the smell of whiteboard markers and i’m a spongebob & danny phantom fan. i can do cursive mirror writing but i don’t know how to cook. my favorite animal is a dragon and i’m afraid of cockroaches..

i could go on and describe myself for an entire day.. but in the end, all of these words would simply paint a picture of the outer me. facts. trivia. my work. my likes/dislikes. the stuff i do. the people i’m with. things that may be true today, but not tomorrow.

who am i? we spend our entire lives discovering the answer to this question. what defines me? when i am no longer able to work.. when the people i care for have all gone away.. when the years have caused my body to undergo so many changes.. what will be left of me? who will i become? and will i still recognize the person inside?

in last sunday’s homily, fr. mar said that true peace comes from accepting yourself for who you are - knowing your strengths as well as your limitations. the truly humble people are those who readily admit their faults.. and yet also graciously admit their accomplishments, knowing that these are all done through the power of God.

i wish i had a special mirror that would enable me to look inside and see the *real* me. i want to know the person the Lord sees each time He gazes lovingly at me. i wish i knew what causes her to fall so i could help her heal. i wish i understood why He loves her unconditionally so i could help her love herself just a bit more. and i wish i could see more of love.. more of Jesus.. reflected in her.

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Lord, You are the only one who sees me inside and out. You know my thoughts, You know my deeds, You know my heart. beyond my smiles, beyond my tears, You see what lies under my skin. allow me to see myself the way You do, Lord, that i may humbly grow in Your love and walk in Your way. amen.