On Death and Dying

Like many Filipino families, mine went to the cemetery today (November 1) to visit the graves of our loved ones. Looking around, I found a sea of faces - and noticed that none of them had any tears.

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My grandmother died twenty years ago. I was only nine years old then. I did not cry when I heard the news. I did not shed tears at her funeral either. I suppose I was much too young then to understand about death and dying.

But I was my grandmother’s favorite “apo” - and she was not just my “grammy.” She was my friend, constant companion, “cheer-upper” and “defender” (especially when my parents would scold me). Her death, of course, affected me.

I never realized it at the time, but though I shed no tears, I mourned my grandmother’s passing. I started getting scared of a lot of things. Like being alone. Or left behind. I started to keep more to myself. I suppose, deep inside, I just wanted to avoid getting hurt again.

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We deal with the loss of a loved one in different ways. Some are able to cry. Some get angry. Some keep the hurt hidden deep inside.

I don’t know how the people at the cemetery were dealing with their loss. As for me, the pain of my grandmother’s passing has of course, long subsided. But still, there are other reasons to mourn - other people to grieve over. And for them, the pain in my heart has not yet eased as much.

Then I came upon this poem, and it gave me great comfort reading it:

I Did Not Die (by Melinda Sue Pacho)

Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.

I am not there. I did not die.

We may lose the people who are closest and dearest to us. But they are not truly lost to us. Someday, we will be reunited with them. That, in itself, should give us some comfort. And while we allow ourselves to grieve, we also bring to mind this verse: “..weeping may remain for a night,but rejoicing comes in the morning..” Ps 30:5

Yes, even in the face of death, we can rejoice. Because in the Lord, there is hope - for strength, encouragement, and new life.