ZAHIR

“Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness."

-Faubourg Saint-Perez

i’m a bookworm. for as long as i can remember, i’ve always been extremely fond of reading. you can leave me in a corner with a really good book and i wouldn’t mind at all. i could spend the entire day locked up in my room with only a thick novel for a companion and i wouldn’t complain. yup. i’m a bookworm. in the truest sense of the word.

well, last week, a friend lent me her copy of paulo coelho’s book, “the zahir.” i have long been eyeing that book because i love coelho’s writing style. and since february is “the month of hearts” i told myself that reading a book on love would just be me keeping with the season.

so, i read “the zahir.” and just as in his previous books, coelho painted a very different picture of love. not the usual mushy, starry-eyed, sentimental and dreamy picture i’d find in most love stories. instead, i read about of love’s difficulty. of confusion.. of loss.. of searching.. of obsession.. of pain.. of inconsistency. in short, it was like reading about what i was experiencing.

a few days before (the dreaded) V-day, i prayed that the Lord give me strength to endure the occasion. i asked Him to refocus my heart and mind.. especially on *that* day.. so that i would have joy and peace. so that i’d spend my valentine’s day with Him in my heart. and He answered my prayer! He really did :-)

the day before feb14, i was almost done reading the book. and these lines really struck a chord:

"Although I know that I may have lost forever the woman I love, I must try to enjoy all the graces that God has given me today. Grace cannot be hoarded... If I do not make full use of these blessings, I will lose them forever.

God knows that we are all artists of life. One day, he gives us a hammer with which to make sculptures, another day he gives us brushes and paints with which to make a picture, or paper and a pencil to write with. But you cannot make a painting with a hammer, or a sculpture with a paintbrush. Therefore, however difficult it may be, I must accept today's small blessing, even if they seem like curses because I am suffering and it's a beautiful day... This is the only way I will manage to leave my pain behind and rebuild my life."

gratefulness for all His blessings. i suppose it was providential that my friend lent me her book just before valentine’s day. because through it, the Lord taught me how to rejoice.. even with a wounded heart. and He reminded me that i may find joy and peace not by vainly trying to ease my pains.. but by helping to soothe the pains of others. by sharing His love with them.

valentine’s day came and went. i had no date.. and no significant other. but that day, i thought i’d spread a little cheer to my other single girl-friends by getting them roses. and surprisingly, i received some, too! (got them from my ex.. but that’s another story, altogether, hehe) i guess what they say is true: the more love you give, the more love you receive.. :-)

gratefulness leads to joy. and rejoicing is our decision to make. i decided to be happy. and i was! i still am :-)

as for my zahir. hmmm. in spite of the muddled thoughts and conflicting emotions.. well, i thank the Lord, even for that. because hurts and pains are His blessings, too. they take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to see the world with new eyes. they close forbidden doors and show me new ones to explore. they make each day seem like an adventure with the Lord.

*contented sigh* this month of love, i thank God for everything that's happened to me. no regrets. none at all. thank You, Lord.. i wouldn't want to have lived my life any other way.. :-)