The “Best” Thing I Never Had

the other day, i was talking to my friend. she was telling me about her “dilemma.” you see, two years ago, her boyfriend broke up with her. from that time on, she felt lonely. especially when friends and relatives keep asking her that one question single girls dread to hear: “o, kelan ka ba ikakasal?”

so she desperately wished and prayed for a boyfriend (i’m not kidding.. “desperate” is the word for it). it was funny, really.. ‘coz she told me once, “grabe ma’am rox.. sobrang nakakairita na ha. bakit, may problema ba sa ‘kin?! promise, ‘yung susunod na manligaw sa ‘kin, kahit ‘di ko masyadong type, sasagutin ko, magkaboyfriend lang ako!”

she must have done some serious wishing ‘coz three months ago, she excitedly told me about “this guy.” she was lovestruck and googly-eyed. i told her i was happy for her.. though at that time, i was really wondering whether this was really love.. or simply desperation.

it was a few months after her “googly-eyed” phase that she came to me again. her dilemma? “that guy” was a “selfish, lying and arrogant jerk” and she didn’t know what the heck she saw in him in the first place. hmm. i guess it was desperation, after all.

it’s often said, “be careful what you wish for.. you just might get it.” and in my friend’s case, it certainly is true. that’s why i thank God that He does not always grant what we pray for.

i am reminded of so many things i’ve fervently wished/prayed for all these years: graduating with honors, a prestigious career, my best friend staying in the RP, a long reprieve from ministry service, a new job and even the affections of a long-time crush. well, the Lord has not granted these.. the “best things i never had.”

but i’m not bitter (not even about the “affection” part, hehehe). bro. bo sanchez said it so well: “the enemy of the best is not the worst.. but the good.” and i really believe that. for though God sometimes answers our petitions with “no” or “not yet,” in the end, He knows what’s truly best for us.

that’s why, like so many others, my favorite Bible verse is the following:

“‘for I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” jer 29:11

i hope my friend takes this verse to heart, as well.

White Flag

This Lenten season did not turn out the way I expected. It was supposed to be a time for soul-searching and being at peace with God. But for me, the past days were not as calm or peaceful as I wanted them to be.

I had a lot of anxieties up to the day of our Recollection. I was thinking of all the unfinished paperwork I have not attended to. I had financial reports to file.. receipts to collect.. book deadlines to meet. I was waiting for an important call regarding a prospective job offer. All these were on my mind, even as I did my best to fulfill my duties in the ministry.

To make matters worse, I had a bit of a falling-out with a close friend of mine. I felt bad.. after all, it was the Lenten season.. yet there I was, holding a grudge against somebody and feeling all rotten inside. The words of the song played over and over in my head: “Taken in, taken in again. Wrapped around the finger of some fair-weather friend. Caught up in the promises, left out in the end.” (Mike & the Mechanics)

Betrayed, hurt and tired. It wasn’t how I wanted to feel this Lent. I wanted to feel God’s peace and His comfort. Instead, I felt angry. I felt down. And I wanted to quit. To raise my big, white flag and say “I surrender!”

Well.. I suppose in a way, that’s what I did. I surrendered. No, I did not give up in my walk of faith. But I surrendered all my worries, hurts, disappointments and fears to God. And I was “taken in” - this time, in a good way. The Lord took me in - bitter, hardened heart and all - and embraced me.

And His hug feels really great Ü I feel as if I’ve been “resurrected” along with Him this Easter. No heavy burdens. No worrying. No bitterness. Only trust, forgiveness and love.

Thank You, Lord, for not giving up on me.

what's good about good friday?

good friday. i've always wondered how it came to be called such. i mean, who coined the term "good friday" anyway?! i doubt that it was anyone who actually witnessed Jesus' crucifixion. because i could not imagine how anybody at that time could ever call that day "good."

imagine this. you are born into a loving family. you are brought up well by your parents. you grow up to be a God-fearing person. you are not wealthy, but you have devoted friends and followers. you earn the respect men and a lot of people look up to you. you spread God's Word to your community. you heal the sick, you give comfort to those who are hurting. you serve your Father and do His will. you spend time with your friends.. allowing them to know more about God and His Kingdom. you break bread with them. you share your secrets with them. you love them unconditionally.

then one day, after dinner, soldiers come to arrest you. you've been set up. you are taken into custody under false charges. your friends are not able to help you. and to make matters worse, it was someone whom you considered your friend.. someone you loved.. who sold you out for 30 pieces of silver. out of all the people in the world, you would be led to your death by someone whom you fully trusted.

if you were Jesus hanging on the cross on that friday some 2000 years ago..

.. fully aware that you have done nothing wrong

.. knowing that you are being tortured to death because of petty politics

.. still stinging from the jeers and taunts of the very same crowd whom you healed

.. betrayed and abandoned by those whom you loved the most

if you were Jesus hanging on the cross.. would you have done as He did?

because if it were me, i know what i would have done. i would have cursed all those who were looking up at me. i would have shouted invectives at all of them - my enemies for plotting against me, the onlookers for being hypocrites and fence-sitters, and yes, even my friends for lacking the courage to stand by me. i would have scanned the crowd for my betrayer. i would have given him my most scathing look and if i had the power, i probably would switch places with him. let him suffer on the cross instead! he deserved it, after all, not i.

thank God that it was Jesus up on that cross on that fateful friday. because i know that if it were me.. or anyone else on this earth, for that matter.. then the world would have been doomed. there would have been no forgiveness.. no salvation.. no hope.

what's "good" about good friday? the fact that our Lord Jesus died for us. all of us. not just His friends. not just those who stood by Him. He died for the pharisees and the tax collectors. He died for the man who pounded the nails into His hands and feet. He died for the crowd who taunted Him and blasphemed His name. He died for the man who betrayed Him. He died for you.. for me.. for all of us who, at different times in our lives, betrayed Him.

the blood of Jesus.. willingly poured out on the cross. it was good. and more than 2000 years after His death and resurrection, it still is. yes, we have so much to be grateful for.. not just on good friday.. but everyday.

* * *

Father, thank You for the gift of Your Son, Jesus Christ. We thank You for His saving blood. We thank You that through His death, we have life. Teach us to live life to the fullest.. becoming more and more like You each day. Amen.

Visions of a Sunrise

“Misyon ng kabataan, makabuluhang pagbabago ay simulan” This is the theme for our school’s graduation/baccalaureate ceremonies for this year. Effecting change. Given that our graduation rites happen only two days after Easter, I think the theme is very appropriate.

During the baccalaureate ceremonies, Pastor Leo Panlilio (one of our guest speakers) said that in order to effect change, one should be a visionary. He gave the graduating students advice on how to make their “visions” come true: (1) Visualize clearly and specifically what you want to be; (2) Be desperate in wanting to realize your dreams; (3) Follow your purpose whole-heartedly; and (4) Commit to your vision faithfully.

It was very heartwarming to see the normally restless young people listen so attentively to the message being preached to them. After the ceremony, quite a number of the students (and parents!) approached our speaker to thank him for his words of encouragement. Considering that these are teenagers who usually do not mingle with adults, this was utterly surprising, to say the least.

Why were the youth so affected? Why were they so happy, so receptive to the message preached by the Pastor? I think it is because through him, the students were given a vision - something they can hope for and eventually achieve. They were allowed to dream a bit higher - to aim for more than what they originally thought they could be.

And that, exactly is what Jesus did when He rose from the dead. He gave us a vision.. a glimpse of sunrise - new hope, new life. This is the Easter message for all of us: Through our Lord Jesus Christ, we can be far more than what we originally thought we could be. A happy and blessed Easter to everyone!

Serving the Undeserving

“ ‘No,’ said Peter, ‘you shall never wash my feet.’ Jesus answered, ‘Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.’ ‘Then, Lord,’ Simon Peter replied, ‘not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!’” John 13:8-9

I attended the EMR held at the Rivers Center this Saturday. I was there only because our group was assigned to sing at the Mass; and because I was tasked to man the projector. Honestly, I wanted to go home already. It’s been a long week - filled with activities both in the choir and at work. I was tired, sweaty and sleepy. I wanted to rest.

Nevertheless, I stayed to serve at the EMR. I told myself I’d just read a good book while the seminar was going on.. just to while away time. But as Sis. Nona was giving her lecture on discipleship, I found that I did not want to read my book anymore. I was interested in the talk. Even though I was not really an official participant of the EMR, I realized that God must really have wanted me to be there.. so He could speak to me. So I put my book away. And I listened.

I have been singing in the choir longer than I have been working. I’ve experienced a lot of “burnout” moments. Over the years, I’ve had sooo many “dramatic” encounters with various members in the community. Encounters that brought frustration and disillusionment. Numerous times, I’ve considered quitting the ministry.. or leaving the community. And yet, there I was.. sitting in at the EMR, when I would rather have gone home to rest. And I asked myself, “Why am I still here, serving in this community?”

Hmmm. Why, indeed? I got my answer when Fr. Domie discussed the verse I quoted previously (Jn 13:8-9) and began the Rites of Washing of the Feet. (Incidentally, this verse is special to me. It’s actually one of the verses in my prayer journal, way back in 1999). It was a very moving moment for me - bringing back to mind a lot of the lessons I’ve learned through years of ministry service.

Like Peter, I did not want the Lord to “wash my feet.” I did not want Him to see how dirty I was. And I did not want Him to be soiled because of me. I was sinful. He is holy. He should not be serving me. I should be washing His feet instead.

But Fr. Domie said it so well. True ministry is serving the undeserving. And to do that, one must really be humbled. I had to recognize that I needed a Savior.. but I had to be humble enough to allow Him to cleanse me, as well. For it is by stooping down and washing my feet that the Lord made me realize that He accepts me.. loves me.. unconditionally.

I have a lot of faults and failures.. but the Lord is willing to minister to me - with my dirty feet and all. He cleans me and purifies me. He gives me second, third and fourth chances. And He tells me to do the same to others.

How can I refuse? I, who have been given so much, how can I say no to the privilege of service? Despite trials, moments of spiritual dryness and frustration, I am still here because of Him. And I have no regrets, whatsoever :-)

So, refreshed and empowered, I say “yes” once more to the Lord’s call. An undeserving minister.. ready to serve Him.. and others who may be as undeserving as I.

Rainlover

“The story is told about a hunter who discovered that his new dog could walk on water. Overjoyed, he invited his neighbor to go with him the following day. Sure enough, the dog would walk on water to retrieve every duck they hit. Unable to contain his excitement, the hunter blurted out: ‘Did you notice anything unusual about my dog?’ After some thought, the neighbor replied: ‘Yeah, your dog can’t swim!’”

hahaha. ok, obviously that anecdote was meant to be a joke. still, i could not help but say “ouch” when i read it.

i am not known for my sunny personality. i’ve never been voted “ms. smile” nor called “ms. sunshine” in my entire life. and in spite of my name, nobody ever remarked that i had a “rosy” personality. on the contrary, i am almost always associated with rainy days and grey skies. haha. it’s true that i love it when it rains.. but i think most people view me as melancholy or even “mataray.” the “forever-pessimist” - that’s what a friend of mine used to call me. hmp. right.

“look at the bright side..” that’s what people would always tell me. oh, i do! believe me, i do! but somehow, my gaze always wanders to that black speck that mars the whole picture. and i find it hard to see anything else. it’s been a real struggle for me to counter this habit. after all, it’s no easy task for a pessimist to see silver linings in clouds.

so i brought this issue before the Lord during one of my quiet moments. i just felt that as His child, i should be a bit more joyful and less sulky. and i told Him, “Lord, sana naman pag nakita ako ng ibang tao, makita nila sa ngiti ko ang tuwa at kasiyahan na galing sa Iyo.”

and in answer to my prayer, God worked several mini-miracles in my life these past days. a lot of the things i’ve been worrying about for months (like my journal article, my career, etc.) simply sorted themselves out. for such a long time, i tried my best to work out a solution to my problems; but the moment i exhausted myself and just let the Lord work, everything fell into place! and i realized that all this while, He was telling me “hindi ka dapat nag-aalala. kailangan lang magtiwala ka sa akin.. at maaayos ang lahat. at makakangiti ka na.. dahil alam mong hinding-hindi kita papabayaan.”

hmmm. lesson learned, Lord. hopefully, hehe. i don’t know if i’ll ever earn the title “ms. smile” or “ms. sunshine” - but i guess it won’t hurt to try. after all, it is easier to smile now that i’ve realized just how much there is to be grateful for. oh, not just the blessings He gives me each day.. but also the occasional message He sends.. just to let me know that, yes, He still hears my prayers.. and He still works miracles in my life :-)

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures” Gen 9:16

after the rain comes the rainbow! it’s nice to know that there’s always something to hope for in the Lord :-)