White Flag

This Lenten season did not turn out the way I expected. It was supposed to be a time for soul-searching and being at peace with God. But for me, the past days were not as calm or peaceful as I wanted them to be.

I had a lot of anxieties up to the day of our Recollection. I was thinking of all the unfinished paperwork I have not attended to. I had financial reports to file.. receipts to collect.. book deadlines to meet. I was waiting for an important call regarding a prospective job offer. All these were on my mind, even as I did my best to fulfill my duties in the ministry.

To make matters worse, I had a bit of a falling-out with a close friend of mine. I felt bad.. after all, it was the Lenten season.. yet there I was, holding a grudge against somebody and feeling all rotten inside. The words of the song played over and over in my head: “Taken in, taken in again. Wrapped around the finger of some fair-weather friend. Caught up in the promises, left out in the end.” (Mike & the Mechanics)

Betrayed, hurt and tired. It wasn’t how I wanted to feel this Lent. I wanted to feel God’s peace and His comfort. Instead, I felt angry. I felt down. And I wanted to quit. To raise my big, white flag and say “I surrender!”

Well.. I suppose in a way, that’s what I did. I surrendered. No, I did not give up in my walk of faith. But I surrendered all my worries, hurts, disappointments and fears to God. And I was “taken in” - this time, in a good way. The Lord took me in - bitter, hardened heart and all - and embraced me.

And His hug feels really great Ü I feel as if I’ve been “resurrected” along with Him this Easter. No heavy burdens. No worrying. No bitterness. Only trust, forgiveness and love.

Thank You, Lord, for not giving up on me.