another me

27 september 2006. i’ve been on this planet for three decades already. sheesh. has it really been that long?! am i really this old?!

the week before my birthday was a very busy one for me. i made visual aids and makeup tests at school (checked tons of papers, too). sunday, i went to my tutees to help them keep up with their math lessons. i spent time with friends (who keep complaining that i am never available anymore). and i went to our “must attend” practices and recording sessions (our christmas album is finished, at last! yay! ü) yup, the past days have been so hectic.. i barely had time to prepare for my special day.

for me, birthdays have always been special. when i was a kid, i loved september because that always meant i’d get lots of gifts (hehehe). i was my grandma’s favorite apo.. and she always made sure i’d get at least two new dresses for my birthday - one for church, and one for the party that she always prepares for me.

when my grandparents died (and i was bit older), the big parties turned into simple family dinners. but that didn’t make my birthdays any less special. my dad would prepare this special “treasure hunt” for me. i think he just liked to make me work hard to find my gift, hehehe ü

but somewhere along the way.. september became a dreaded month for me. i don’t know how or why it happened. maybe it was because i didn’t want to grow old. maybe i hated the fact that i didn’t have a “special someone” to share it with. maybe i “grew up” and became cynical. or maybe that day just made me feel that after all those years, i still had not done anything worthwhile. all i know is that one day, i realized i just didn’t want to celebrate my birthday. it was a “special” day, all right - a day i especially hated.

but not this year. not anymore ü i guess i’m grateful that in all the busyness this year, i did not have time to mope and feel bad about myself. i decided to use this day to take a long, hard look at myself.. to be less depressed and more productive ü so i made some “resolutions” (hey, birthdays are as good a time as new year to make these!).

1. i’m going to smile more and laugh more

2. i will try to make more friends

3. i will be a dedicated worker, not just in the ministry, but moreso in my job

4. i’m going to be a bit more adventurous

5. i won’t leave room for regret and self-pity

just now, i came across these lines from a song:

“let me feel, i don't care if i breakdown / let me fall, even if i hit the ground / and if i cry a little.. die a little

at least i know i lived, just a little”

(let me fall, bethany joy lenz)

three decades on this planet and i’m still learning.. still growing up ü i have not moved mountains. i have not written award-winning novels. i have not won the nobel peace prize.. or any prize, for that matter. but that’s fine with me. ‘coz the way i see it, it took all these years for me to make my mistakes.. to learn from them.. and to start being a better person ü

i may not get that nobel peace prize.. but i’m quite sure that one day, the Lord has something even greater in store for me: the promise of a new me - one He can proudly point at and say “see? she looks just like Me!” ü