“i always get depressed when my birthday approaches.. i don’t mean clinically depressed / catatonic / tragically sad; just listless, low-energy, kind of blue. it’s not an original or trendy condition - lots of people get depressed round their birthdays. maybe it’s the reminder of their own mortality, or disappointment at not having hit all their targets.. or the sneaking suspicion that this is as good as it gets and your life goes downhill from here.”
- jessica z.
i could have written those lines. really. everytime september comes around, i look in the mirror half-expecting to see smurfette (oh, you know.. the “little blue girl” in the 80’s cartoons - the smurfs?!). it’s as if time agonizingly slows down.. and the days just seem to drag on. it gets harder to wake up in the morning and much harder to sleep at night.
it’s not like i ask to be sad every time my birthday comes around. i don’t. but i can’t help it. oh, i know, i’m not a sunny person to begin with. but special occasions just make me more morose than usual.
i thought i was the only one on this planet who felt this way. after all, it did seem kinda weird to get bitten by the “blue bug” each time you’re supposed to be *celebrating* your special day. so it came as a surprise when i read jessica zafra’s article (phil. star, 08sept06, YS section) last friday. so i’m not alone after all. hmm. i’m normal. sort of. hahaha.
then a few days ago, i gained a new friend (this should come as a surprise to many, hehe). she’s a couple of years my junior.. but i found out that we actually share *a lot* of things in common. we both love to read and write. we like the same authors and are fond of collecting quotes. we are both quite moody (hehe). heck, we almost even had the same pseudonym (“lil blue girl”)! hmm. it’s freaky to find someone who’s sooo like you. freaky yet somehow, reassuring.. :)
come to think of it, this is the second time this has happened to me this year. earlier on, i met a sister in the community who was so like me that we hit it off almost instantly (we were so alike that people often confused our articles, hehe).
so. i gained two great friends this year (believe it or not, *that* is a record for me.. haha). and both of them showed up at times when i was feeling really down in the dumps. coincidence? i think not.
maybe God made a way for me to meet these people to tell me that i’m not alone. that no matter how weird my thoughts are.. how silly i act.. and how inexplicably sad i may feel at times, there are others around me who understand. who are going through (or have gone through) the same things in their lives.
it’s still september. i’m still experiencing my annual birthday blues. but it’s not so bad anymore. ‘coz sometimes, just knowing that there are others who are on the same road with you is enough to make the walk a lot easier (and more fun, haha!) :)
looks like God is shaking me awake from my listlessness even before september ends, haha. i’m fine with that. then maybe i can spend my birthday with my eyes wide open :)
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