naked

“when the music fades, all is stripped away and i simply come.. longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless Your heart” (heart of worship)

last wednesday, the leaders of the community participated in a eucharistic celebration with special rites for installation. we were asked to write on a piece of paper our answer to one simple question: “what are you willing to give up in service to the Lord?”

it was a deceptively simple question. the more i thought about it, the more i realized that answering it required two things of me: (1) i had to know what God wanted me to surrender; and (2) i had to be willing to give it up.

fr. bobby, in his homily, mentioned that as leaders, we would be the first to die. ok, probably not literally.. but i get his point. the call to leadership is not a “promotion” as the worldwould see it. true, it is a privilege.. but it comes with a price, too. it means dying to ourselves every day. it means being subject to authority. it means serving with humility. it means giving not just dutifully but cheerfully. it means going beyond what is asked of us. it means being more understanding.. more compassionate.. more forgiving.. more caring.. more loving.

i remember thinking once, “Lord, how could You expect this of me? i don’t think i can do this..” and it’s true. i can’t do it. i can’t be this super-cheerful, sunshiny girl overnight. i can’t learn everything i’m supposed to do in one sitting. i can’t, all of a sudden, be not tired nor grumpy when work piles up. i am weak. i am imperfect. i am unworthy.

and i am called. and i said yes.

and because i did, it doesn’t matter that i can’t do it. God will help me out. and together, we can do it :)

it is said that when God wants to bless you, He first separates you from that which you most hold dear. He continues to tear away.. to cut.. to chip off your attachments.. until everything is stripped away. and you are left with nothing. until you are utterly naked before Him.

and then He will restore. and give back all that He has “taken away” from you. until He has filled you up. until you are utterly blessed.

i admit. it is a scary thought. and more than half the time i feel like i’m not ready for it. but it is my heart’s desire. and i know He will be there to walk with me.. every step of the way :)