i adore you

he’s 5’8” tall. fair-skinned. aquiline nose. has a sort of piercing stare. well-known. as in rock-star famous. loves to wear black. listens to lou reed’s music. has a weird sense of humor. he’s in his forties. has three kids. goes online everyday to update his journal. his name is neil gaiman. and he’s my favorite author :)

i know a lot of trivia about neil. like the fact that he was born on november 10, 1960. and that he’s a techie.. and that he finds the philippines interesting. i have read almost all of his books and graphic novels. i even have a picture of him saved in my pc, hahaha! :p

yup. i am a certified neil gaiman fan. i simply looooooove the guy. for me, he’s a genius. but for all my “starstruck-ness” and loyalty to *the* gaiman, i would have to admit that i don’t adore him. how can i?! i don’t really *know* him :p i mean, sure.. i know lots of stuff *about* him. but neil the person.. the guy he really is (as opposed to his public image - the writer/artist/star).. well, i know next to nothing about that.

i think, for the most part, that’s how we start our christian journey. sure, we are all blessed to be living in a predominantly catholic country. so in a way, we have a “head start” in our knowledge of the lord. we hear a lot of “god stuff,” actually, even without meaning to. probably even the most irregular churchgoer would have heard about the holy trinity, jesus’ ministry and miracles, his death and resurrection, his mother and her immaculate conception, the workings of the holy spirit, the empowerment of the disciples, and many more.

but when we think about it, how many of us *really* know god? how many of us can honestly say that we know him personally? as fr. mar asked last sunday in the recommitment seminar.. “do we have a heightened sense of being loved by the lord?”

when i joined the rivers community some 12 years ago, i already knew quite a lot of “god stuff” - things i learned when i was attending our christian bible study group in college. but that was all i knew about him, really - trivia. head knowledge. stuff anybody can look for in books or the internet.

but it was through the rivers family that god truly made himself known to me. it was through this community that i learned to call him lord. and it was through ministry service that i learned the really important things. like how he smiles when i do even the most menial tasks with dedication. or how he has this habit of speaking to my heart when i least expect to hear from him. or his fondness for answering my “lambing” prayers, chuckling whenever i get surprised. or how, at times, he would let me cry copious tears.. and then comfort me with his hugs and console me with his words.

these days, i still learn a lot of new things about god. the community certainly offers a lot of opportunities for nourishment - what with the worship inputs, formation & empowerment seminars and various talks. but serving in rivers has also taught me to seek the better.. nay, the *best* part: god himself.

he’s no longer simply the god i look up to heaven to pray to. he’s no longer “out there, watching me.” he now is the god i look into my heart to talk to.. to confide in.. to seek consolation from. he is my “cheer-upper” and “sanity-keeper”.. my “sumbungan” and advocate. he is my ever-present friend.

i know him now. and oh, how i adore.. :)