what matters most

this is the article i included in our newsletter. i guess after pouring out all my frustrations (and sadness) in my previous article, i felt a lot better. so instead of dampening other readers' spirits, i thought i'd write *this* instead :p

* * *

2008 did not start the way i wanted it to. i had no new year’s resolutions.. no promises to myself or to others.. not even a feeling of a new start nor hopeful expectations.

*sigh* i did not plan on starting this year full of cynicism. then again, i did not plan to end 2007 full of resentment either.

it’s been months since i last wrote a reflection for the newsletter. i could say i’ve been very busy.. and there was no space left for me to write an article.. and anyway there were more than enough contributors. and i’d be telling the truth. but not the whole truth.

i haven’t written anything for a long time because i needed a break. i’ve been writing on a weekly basis for two straight years.. trying my best to see god’s face in literally everything - from work stuff to songs & quotes to weird fish to martial arts and math. and while expressing oneself can be extremely rewarding, there comes a time when you run out of ideas.. out of energy.. out of interest.

i also stopped writing because, in a not-so-funny, twisted way, i wanted to go on strike. why? well, this would sound *really* shallow.. but it’s the truth: i was sulking.

yes. sulking.

one of my close friends did something that really hurt me. it wasn’t anything close to murder.. but it really upset me and made me feel so bad about myself. and that set off an avalanche of other negative emotions in me. hence, the sulking. and the “writer’s strike.”

but there must be something about the start of a new year that helps put things in perspective. because, in spite of myself, i realize that my sulking isn’t doing anyone any good. it certainly isn’t doing *me* any good - because it prevents me from expressing myself and it stops me from giving god glory through the gift of writing.

besides, all that sulking just magnified all the resentment, disappointment and bitterness i felt. and that really stops me from seeing the “god factor” in anything :p

so with this piece, i officially end my 3-month hiatus :) and i’m looking forward to seeing god in the oddest things (a physics lecture, laundry soap, my lunchbox, car wipers, for starters!) once more :p

brothers and sisters, we christians are not exempt from mood swings and sulking moments. none of us can be cheery and sunshiny 24/7. people will hurt us.. just as surely as we will hurt them. and there may be times when we would choose to hide.. shy away from service.. or pout even as we give our offering.

but let us not allow those moments to last long. there’s a time to sulk.. and a time to finally get back on track :)

after all, while our comfort.. our feelings.. and our sense of “rightness” are important, what *really* matters is our heart for god.

may you find peace, love and *joy* in serving him.. who is the source of all good things :) god bless!