lay your hands on me

it’s been months since i last wrote a reflection for the newsletter. i could say i’ve been very busy.. and there was no space left for me to write an article.. and anyway there were more than enough contributors. and i’d be telling the truth. but not the whole truth.

one of the reasons why i haven’t written anything for a long time is because i needed a break. i’ve been writing on a weekly basis for two straight years.. trying my best to see god’s face in literally everything - from work stuff to songs & quotes to weird fish to martial arts and math. and while expressing oneself can be extremely rewarding, there comes a time when you run out of ideas.. out of energy.. and eventually, interest.

to be very honest, i wanted a break, not just from writing, but from *everything.* i hated going to work. i stopped doing the things i used to love - reading, writing and even using my pc. i shied away from my friends, preferring to be alone. and when december came - with everyone feeling so cheery, and with all the festivities going on around me that i could not seem to relate to - i felt even worse.

at some point, i found myself unable to express my thoughts and my feelings. i harbored resentment towards some of the people closest to me.. and i could not tell them. i had feelings of hurt and disappointment.. and i could not explain myself rationally. i tried my best to maintain a calm, cool exterior. but deep inside, i was just about ready to explode. and i didn’t even know *why.*

to “lay a hand” on someone means to lash out.. to strike.. to hurt that person. and i have to admit, there were times when i wanted to do just that - let others feel the hurt they caused me. i’m not proud of myself for thinking that way.. but that’s how bad i felt.

then today, as i was looking for devotionals to include in this issue, i happened upon an article called “what god says about you” (see page 7). and towards the end, it says, “when we look for god, we will find him. the lord will not abandon us. (deut 4:30-31)“ and that simple statement struck me. i did not plan to write a reflection for this week.. but after i read that, i decided to give it a try once more.

hiding is not always bad. in fact, we are often encouraged to go on “retreats” - to spend some time away from our usual activities and the busy environment we are in. but these retreats are not meant to be spent alone. when we go to our private hideaways, we are meant to meet up with our lord. because if we retreat into our own shells just to keep the world out.. if we refuse to listen to anyone except ourselves.. then we will have nobody’s hand to hold but our own.

this christian walk certainly is not easy. we get hurt.. and we hurt others too. some people get to lay a hand on us.. other times, we lay a hand on them. but in spite of the difficulties, when we continue to seek the lord, he will always show himself to us. for he is a god who never abandons us.

and god will lay his hands on us. not to lash out. not to strike. not to hurt us. but to fill us with his spirit - of love, of joy and of peace - once more.