what can i give you this christmas?

“what can i give you this christmas? Something sparkling to go with your eyes..?” december is such a hectic month. traffic is terrible. queues at grocery and department stores are sooooo long! it’s difficult to find a place to hang out ‘coz parking lots are almost always full. there are so many parties and events to attend that no december day on my planner is vacant.

i guess this month has always been one of the most stressful for me. and it isn’t just the traffic or the hectic schedule that makes me uptight. what really occupies my thoughts during the holiday season is one question: “what do i give my friends/loved ones for christmas?” for me, this question isn’t something that’s easy to answer. there are many things to consider, after all.. such as: (1) what does he/she want? (2) do i know where to buy it? (3) is it something that his/her other friends might get for him/her? (4) can i afford to give him/her that gift?.. and so on.

christmas was *way* more fun when i was younger. haha. when you’re a kid, you’re only excited to get presents. you don’t worry about what to buy for your friends (usually your mom/dad does that for you). and you certainly don’t concern yourself with stuff like budget, parking and the like. you just wait for your gift.. and tear through tons of presents and envelopes with christmas money.

now that i’m older, though, the Christmas season feels so different. it’s busy. it’s rushed. it’s hectic. it’s stressful. and somehow, the fun and excitement i used to feel just got hidden away somewhere :(

it’s really hard to come up with that *perfect* gift for that *perfect* someone. personally, I find it so much harder to look for gifts for those who are close to me. probably it’s ‘coz nothing seems good enough. and the stuff that i want to give, i cannot afford :( and it just sucks. and i thought, maybe the same is true with me and God. i try to do so many things.. try to dream up ways by which i could please Him. and more often than not, i end up frustrated because i simply cannot be perfect. and I cannot be content with my offering because it’s not good enough.

“what can i give You this christmas?” yes, Lord what *can* i give You? as the song goes, “what can we give that You have not given? and what do we have that is not already Yours?” hmmm.. i don’t have much to offer. nothing perfect. nothing good enough, even. “but i’ll give You my heart and my own true love.. that will last the whole year through..”

and maybe, that’s all You want from me, after all :) happy birthday, Jesus! and i hope You can make use of my gift for You this year :)

the benefit of friends

today is the last prayer meeting for 2006. whaaaaat?!?!?! hahaha.. how quickly time flies! christmas is just around the corner (12 days away, to be exact).. and soon, the year will officially be over.

it seems as if 2006 just zipped by (literally!). i barely noticed the days pass. the past 365 days have probably been some of my busiest ever.. and also some of the most stressful: major problems at work.. extremely hectic schedules.. financial concerns.. discernment issues.. illnesses and health problems.. fatigue and insomnia, etc. all these kept me company throughout the year.

2006 sure has been one heck of a stressful year.. but i definitely wouldn’t call it all bad :p for though trials and difficulties abound, God’s grace and blessings abound even more :)

for me, the most important gifts that the Lord has given are the blessings of loved ones: people i love and who love me in return :) i’ve been blessed with the greatest parents in the world (hahaha.. sorry na lang ‘yung iba :p); and i would’ve been content having just both of them (did you know that parents can be really great friends & confidantes?! :p)

but probably to cushion the blows of the tests and trials i had to go through this year, God gave me the unexpected blessing of two special friends. they’re not perfect (who is?!).. but they understand and accept my imperfections.. and they are ever-ready sounding boards and shock absorbers :p

oh.. and did i mention that they’re always around to aid me whenever we’re in urgent need of an article for the newsletter? :p they also help promote (and sell!) our christmas album as well as update and layout our lyrics :) and they do so cheerfully. heck, i don’t even have to ask them.. ‘coz they volunteer! :)

this year, i learned that in friendship, it’s not the length of time you’ve known each other that counts. rather, it’s how much you give of yourselves.. and how willing you are to receive that gift.. that matters :)

“and if you just hold on.. if you find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. because we all need a little help sometimes.. someone to help us hear the music in the world.. to remind us that it won’t always be this way.” - meredith grey

yup, i’ve had my share of troubles this year. but i’m glad i was able to suck it up.. to grin and bear it for another day :) ‘coz when i needed a little help, He sent me people to make it all okay :)

thank God for the benefit of friends! it’s going to be a merry christmas, indeed :p

ps: i’m working on that ‘beso beso’ thing :p

the heart of the matter

the other day, i was watching the national geographic channel. the title of the show was “fight science.” it was about the mysteries of martial arts.. and the search for the “ultimate weapon” in combat. in the show, scientists wanted to verify whether the legends about ninjas and martial arts experts were true. they wanted to find out if these people could really do seemingly superhuman acts (such as leaping from one high pole to another; breaking blocks that even sledgehammers could not shatter; and spinning a spear so fast that it actually forms a shield around the warrior).

i sat amazed as i watched the show. featured there were several martial arts experts trained in wielding various weapons. there was a master of ninjitsu (a ninja) who demonstrated perfect balance and speed. there were two burly brothers who used their hands, heads and entire bodies to shatter more than a dozen concrete blocks. there were also the weapon-wielding masters who used their favorite “tools”: the short stick, the “chako”, the spear and the samurai sword. it was unbelievable! i thought all these were simply legends. so did the scientists. but the numbers spewed out by their gadgets did not lie. these warriors were exhibiting strength that surpassed even that of the strongest muscleman. they were, quite literally, superhuman.

the scientists naturally wanted to know what enabled these warriors to perform such feats. they found out that some of them have altered physical characteristics. the brothers who shattered concrete with their bare hands? their bones were much, much denser than the average human’s. how did that happen? training. discipline. and lots and lots of pain. the quote “what does not kill you makes you stronger” certainly applies in their case.

what i found truly admirable, however, was not the strength/agility/accuracy of the warriors. what i marveled at was their control.. their discipline. imagine having the ability to bring down walls with one punch.. to kill a person with a single jab! think of the responsibility that comes with such great power! in the wrong hands.. such power can truly be deadly.

after the sticks, the spears and the swords were evaluated, the scientists concluded that there was more to these martial artists than just their skills and physical abilities. the ultimate weapon was not any of those that they wielded. it was not even their highly trained minds and bodies: “as every true fighter knows, the most important weapon is the heart of the warrior.”

we too are warriors. warriors for the Lord. and in our daily lives, we struggle.. we bear our crosses.. we try to discipline ourselves as we learn how to walk the Christian walk. we endeavor to strengthen our spiritual bones and muscles. we practice our faith. we try to please the Father the best way we know how. sometimes we stumble.. and sometimes we fall. but as we continue our training, He empowers us and changes us. and makes us truly superhuman.

in the end, the heart of the matter is really a matter of the heart. if we have the right heart, He will be faithful to transform us into more than what we ever imagined we could be.

Magnificently Obsessed

Just the other day, I was listening to this Christian radio station. They were discussing what makes a person truly successful. According to the teacher, there are three P’s a person needs in order to excel: Patience, Perseverance and Passion. She proceeded to say that disciplined athletes develop the first two traits. However, only a few of them truly possess the last. And it is Passion that separates the great from those who are merely good.

After listening to the short teaching, I wondered to myself, “What am I really passionate about?” I know I enjoy doing a lot of stuff; and some of these, I am quite good at. But what is that *one* thing that makes my face light up when I talk about it? What is it that I am *really* into.. that occupies my thoughts 24/7? What is that one thing I am willing to risk everything for? What is my one obsession?

Matthew 6:20 - 21 says, “But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Where my treasure is, there my heart will also be. The Lord has given me a lot of gifts in the form of talents, friends and loved ones. And these are treasures, indeed. But none of these can surpass the greatness of the Giver Himself.

Sometimes I forget this simple truth. It’s so easy to be blinded by the gifts. It’s so easy to be distracted; to lose sight of my Magnificent Obsession.

I want *so much* to be the best that I can be as His child - to be as excellent.. as perfect as He wants me to be. And I know that before I can be that, I must have a burning passion for Him. So I pray this song:

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession

Yes, Lord.. be my Magnificent Obsession.

silence is (not) easy

some of us laugh, some of us cry,
some of us smoke, some of us lie,
but it's all just the way that we cope with our lives.
- starsailor, “some of us”

this morning, my student teacher taught my senior class for the first time. he nervously introduced himself to the students.. then proceeded to discuss how to graph the basic trigonometric functions. after half an hour of giving illustrations and feverishly writing down notes on the board, my student teacher asked the class, “do you have any questions?” and my students’ response? silence. no shaking of heads. no nods. no questions. no frowns. no smiles. nothing but blank stares. *sigh* and i couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for my student teacher. hmm. silence from the entire class. the usually rowdy senior class, at that. tsk, tsk. that can’t be good..

that silent, blank stare from students is probably one of the worst things that could happen to me in class. noisy students, i can somewhat tolerate. even the makulit and matanong students, i can stand. but to be met with expressionless stares and “NR” (no reaction) looks.. well, that really makes me lose my composure.

i have to admit.. i hate silence, not just in the classroom, but in my daily life as well. i always have to be doing something. whether it is keeping in touch with friends, watching TV or texting. i even go to bed with my zen (my mp3 player).. ‘coz i find it hard to sleep without my music.

most of us, when faced with silence, are unnerved. silence is not easy. it can even be downright frightening. maybe because we’re not used to it. we’ve grown so accustomed to the “background noises” of life. we are so busy with our work and numerous activities. our minds are so distracted with schedules, chores, financial concerns and other worries. we surround ourselves with friends, loved ones and people we depend on for stability and security.

in the busyness of life, we find it difficult to just sit still and enjoy solitude. even in our quiet devotions, we often feel uncomfortable waiting on the Lord. we want the answer to our prayers now. and when we do not hear Him answering our petitions, we worry.. we fret.. we become impatient. we are unnerved.

brothers and sisters, if right now you cannot seem to hear the Lord’s voice.. if you are feeling impatient with His silence.. if you are starting to doubt whether He hears you or cares about your plight.. let this verse encourage you:

“be still and know that I am God..” (psalm 46:10)

He is Lord. is that not a comforting thought? :) and all we need to do is to be still before this wonderful God.. and bask in His loving presence.

it may take a bit of getting used to.. but by His grace, we will all learn to enjoy His quiet, gentle presence :)

God bless!

analyzing pain

this has been a most exciting weekend for me. and for most pinoys as well. manny “pacman” pacquiao was once again pitted against eric morales; and everybody was excited to watch the fight.

we rooted for pacquiao.. cheered him on.. even prayed for him. and now that he won, we feel so proud. we’re all glad that once again, he gives this country something to boast about.

but what if things turned out differently? if manny had lost.. if he had not beaten morales in this bout.. how would we have felt? would we still have been proud of him? would we still have been able to hold our heads high and say, “magaling ang pinoy!”?

oftentimes, we put too much importance on victory and triumph.. on success and winning. we focus all our energies into making sure everything turns out perfectly. there’s nothing wrong with aiming for excellence. but we should always remember that the greatest triumphs are made sweeter by the most bitter defeats. and that behind every glorious moment of victory are a hundred moments of pain and sacrifice.

before pacquiao became the star that he now is, he had to go through intense and rigid training. perhaps manny already was one of the better boxers when he started out. but if he did not endure long hours of sparring sessions.. if he just gave up because his muscles ached.. or because he cut his lip.. or because he shed some blood.. he never would have risen to “hero” status.

pain. we are all acquainted with it. but not all of us understand that the experience of pain is one of the greatest blessings. pain teaches us to be humbly dependent on the Lord. pain warns us when we are straying from His path. pain helps us to empathize with others who are hurting. pain makes us aware of our mortality and frailties. pain helps us identify our areas of weakness - spiritual or otherwise. and pain makes us more grateful.. more joyful when success comes around.

the great martyrs and saints died for their faith. they served as witnesses for the Lord, despite the most cruel tortures and most inhumane conditions. they were especially called to suffer. and they were able to endure to the end because God allowed them to suffer many trials and persecutions throughout their lives. until they learned to value their pains. until they learned to embrace their cross.

so if you are going through some tough times right now.. if you are in pain and you can’t seem to understand why.. if you feel like a loser and there doesn’t seem to be a way out.. that’s okay. cry. scream. rant. shout it out. vent. cry some more. but do it all in His presence.

because the Suffering Servant understands. He knows how to endure.. and He gives the same grace to all who ask in His name. He heals the broken-hearted. He binds up our wounds.

and more importantly, He teaches us how to embrace our own crosses. and He walks along with us.. on our journey to Calvary.

naked

“when the music fades, all is stripped away and i simply come.. longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless Your heart” (heart of worship)

last wednesday, the leaders of the community participated in a eucharistic celebration with special rites for installation. we were asked to write on a piece of paper our answer to one simple question: “what are you willing to give up in service to the Lord?”

it was a deceptively simple question. the more i thought about it, the more i realized that answering it required two things of me: (1) i had to know what God wanted me to surrender; and (2) i had to be willing to give it up.

fr. bobby, in his homily, mentioned that as leaders, we would be the first to die. ok, probably not literally.. but i get his point. the call to leadership is not a “promotion” as the worldwould see it. true, it is a privilege.. but it comes with a price, too. it means dying to ourselves every day. it means being subject to authority. it means serving with humility. it means giving not just dutifully but cheerfully. it means going beyond what is asked of us. it means being more understanding.. more compassionate.. more forgiving.. more caring.. more loving.

i remember thinking once, “Lord, how could You expect this of me? i don’t think i can do this..” and it’s true. i can’t do it. i can’t be this super-cheerful, sunshiny girl overnight. i can’t learn everything i’m supposed to do in one sitting. i can’t, all of a sudden, be not tired nor grumpy when work piles up. i am weak. i am imperfect. i am unworthy.

and i am called. and i said yes.

and because i did, it doesn’t matter that i can’t do it. God will help me out. and together, we can do it :)

it is said that when God wants to bless you, He first separates you from that which you most hold dear. He continues to tear away.. to cut.. to chip off your attachments.. until everything is stripped away. and you are left with nothing. until you are utterly naked before Him.

and then He will restore. and give back all that He has “taken away” from you. until He has filled you up. until you are utterly blessed.

i admit. it is a scary thought. and more than half the time i feel like i’m not ready for it. but it is my heart’s desire. and i know He will be there to walk with me.. every step of the way :)