Burned Out

Through with taking roads someone else designed;

Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine

Through with going through one more day, what's new?

Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?

I’ve been listening to these lines from “Pilgrim’s Theme” in my mp3 player since Saturday. Hmm. I can relate with the lyrics of the song, somewhat.

Everyday, I wake up.. go to work, do some chores, meet with friends, talk to students. During the week, I attend community activities, help out with the newsletter, email/text announcements to fellow ministry members and go to church. It is a comfortable routine - one I’ve followed for the past decade. And I’m happy with it.

Yes, for the past 10 years or so, I’ve spent most of my waking hours immersed in “Rivers stuff.” I do not have any regrets. And yet, I’d have to admit that there are moments when I felt “burned out” - when prayer meetings were reduced to mere routine.. when layouting simply became a task I had to do.. when my passion for the things I love (like writing, and yes, even singing) waned.

It was during these times when I asked myself, “Is this it? Is this the best that I can be? Is there no deeper purpose for the things I’m doing?” Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?

Burned out. Burned almost to ashes. That’s how I felt for the past two months or so. But last week, I received wonderful blessings that, bit by bit, helped to rekindle my joy in service. They were not really mind-blowing or earth-shaking. Instead, what brought back the smile to my heart were simple things: a welcome smile from a brother, a word of encouragement from a sister, a good book and some nice quotes, help with the newsletter from “soulmate #2”, time for coffee and popcorn with friends, an unexpected phone call from an old pal, “pasalubong” from my mom, my favorite “chichis” from my dad (haha.. i love breadstix!), and many, many more :-)

The Lord is really good! He blessed me - not by providing me with new gifts - but by opening my eyes and heart to the numerous blessings I already have :-) In my dryness, God made me realize how much I needed to drink of the river of His living water. In the desert, He demonstrated how He is able to purify and sustain me. And from the ashes of my burned out spirit, the Lord was able to show me tiny gems of blessings that I’ve so often overlooked and taken for granted. Hmm. Quite a good way to start the Lenten season, I should say :-)

And so now I sing with a refreshed spirit.. offering joyful service once more. And now I realize that service is so much more than just doing God’s work. True service also means allowing God to do His work in me. He works in me and I work with Him.. and for Him :-)

So.. Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things? My answer is YES!..

For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams

You are the heart, the very heart

Of the greater scheme of things

I think this will be a truly wonderful Lenten season, indeed.. :-)