On Falls and Flight

"if you do not climb, you will not fall. this is true. but is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?"

-morpheus, the sandman

everybody makes mistakes. heck, i've committed at least a hundred of those.. and that's just for this year. it's not so bad, really. you fall. you get up. you move on. easier said than done, of course. still, it *can* be done. and that's what matters.

the season of lent is a time to reflect on how we've lived our lives the past year. me, i went through so much pain because of lapses in judgment and bad decisions. but in retrospect, all this actually turned me into a much stronger person.

i've learned a lot this past year.. lessons i never would have understood had i not dared and failed. i've grown up considerably, too.. and my heart bears deeper yet more meaningful scars. i've been forced to look at myself squarely in the mirror.. and to like, if not love, what i see. i've learned how to value myself and the many gifts and talents the Lord gave me. i've also learned to look at the brighter side of things. this includes, in no small way, seeing the good in people.. no matter how much they may have hurt me.. and no matter how little my affection for them may be.

the trouble with people is that they are just like me. imperfect. broken. prone to error. committing the same mistakes over and over again.

the thing i like most about people is that they are just like me. imperfect. broken. prone to error. committing the same mistakes over and over again. forgiven. constantly learning. constantly teaching.

it really all depends on how we choose to look at people.. and at life in general.

fr. bobby mentioned in his article that the lenten season is not just about praying more, but praying *better.* it is also about loving others.. loving ourselves.. loving God *better.* and i think i am learning this first-hand now.

i cannot give what i do not have. i will not be able to forgive others unless i recognize that i too have been forgiven much. i will not be able to truly love others unless i first realize that i am deeply and passionately loved by an awesome God. and though i hated it at the time, i now know that it is precisely because of the trials i went through that i am here now.. a wiser, more open and more compassionate child of God. it was, after all, the Lord's way of chipping away at the walls of my heart. His way of opening me to receive His love.. and to share it with others.

forming bonds with other people.. loving them.. allowing them to love you back. that's always a risk. friendships may fade. lovers may break hearts. relationships may fail. "if you do not climb, you will not fall.." but not to climb.. to stay where you are.. to refuse to stir at all will mean not being able to soar to new heights. it will mean not being able to fly like the eagle.. not seeing the beautiful view from Above.

and so i continue to climb. the fall may be hard.. but i know He'll always be there either to catch me.. or to teach me to fly :-)