Suffering Love

"there is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet. love's exquisite happiness is also love's exquisite pain. i do not seek suffering but there is suffering. it is better not to flinch, not to try and avoid those things in love's direction. it is not easy, this love, but only the impossible is worth the effort." -ali, “the powerbook”

i came across this quote last sunday, as i was reading a novel to while away the time. i’m a sucker for quotes.. and this one really appealed to me so i immediately wrote it down. now, it’s true that the lines came from fiction, but as i re-read it tonight, it also seemed as if the Lord Himself spoke these same words to me.

since saturday i’ve not been feeling well. my throat hurts and i feel like i’m coming down with the flu. i didn’t want to go to work today. i wanted to rest and give myself a chance to recuperate. but this is finals week. the kids will be consulting with me.. some need to take their makeup tests.. others are requesting for review lessons. and so, though my body didn’t want to get out of bed, my mind commanded it to. despite my weak condition, i *had* to go to school. my students depended on me. they needed me to be there. i couldn’t let them down.

i’m sure a lot of people can relate with my situation. sometimes we do things that do not appeal to us. why? maybe out of a sense of duty. or maybe because we want to do what’s right. but today, i realized the Lord is giving us a higher call: offer up your sacrifices for no other reason than love.

like the quote says, love is never easy. it always comes with a price. that’s why we are called to “offer up a sacrifice of praise” (heb 13:15) - because true worship.. true love of God always involves sacrifice. but the pain that comes with the offering is a different kind of pain. it is the kind of pain that cleanses, purifies and heals. and more importantly, it is the kind of pain that eventually perfects our love for our Savior.. and turns it into the kind of love that He has for us.

i am not an easy person to love. and the more i think about it, the more i tell myself that it is soooo impossible for a holy, awesome God to love me so passionately. His love is something i really could not understand. but while it may take more than a lifetime to comprehend just how much my Lord loves me, i know one thing. He died for me. not merely out of a sense of duty. not only because it was “the right thing to do.” my Jesus offered up His life because He loves me.

“it is not easy, this love, but only the impossible is worth the effort.” and my God did the impossible. thank You, Lord, for your awesome, suffering love for me :)