A Glimpse of Heaven

“Everything is not enough / I’m looking for a little / Of that intangible stuff / Everything is not enough / I want more / I need more” - Seaholm

several weeks ago, we had to call the mother of one of our students at school. her daughter was found bleeding profusely from a self-inflicted wound - the girl slashed her upper arm using a cutter. the teacher who found her immediately brought her to the clinic, where the nurse dressed her cut as the guidance counselor tried to find out what caused her to hurt herself.

this student does not seem to have any particular problem. her grades are okay. she has not been involved in any disciplinary case. her family can afford to give her what she wants - books, computers, games, celphones, etc. she is intelligent, articulate and pretty. she isn’t shunned by her batchmates. she is a voracious reader and a prolific writer. she has unique ideas and can be very insightful in class (when she’s in the mood)..

and she hates herself.

her adviser could not understand it. nor could her mother. no one could explain how a bright, young girl with so much going for her, could feel the way she did.

it seemed that she had everything. but “everything” was not enough. because that which she most needed, she did not have: love and hope.

i remembered this particular student last sunday, when fr. mar gave his homily. he quoted mother theresa a number of times; but one struck me most: “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.“ and it’s true - loneliness can happen to people from all walks of life. no amount of money, power, fame or prestige can shake off the feeling. friends can offer their time and a shoulder to cry on. romantic relationships may temporarily keep the sorrow at bay. but really, no earthly force can take away despair once it has set in.

i know. because i’ve been there. i know how it feels to be alone.. and not liking even the company of one’s self. it is a terrible feeling, to say the least. and i would never wish it on anyone. not even my worst enemy.

that’s why one of the things i am most grateful for is that God made sure i am always surrounded by loving people. He sends me His love through my family, my friends, my co-ministry members and my brothers and sisters in the community. it’s true that many times, i take His blessings for granted.. and often, i become oblivious to His instruments of love and peace. but deep in my heart, i know i am truly grateful to the Lord for sending them my way.

i am also thankful that while i know how it feels to despair, God ensured that i would know how it feels to be loved.. to be wanted.. to have hope. but He does not pour out His love upon me all in one sitting. He lets me feel it bit by bit.. giving me small “installments” of His lambing just when i feel i can no longer cope.

and our weekly tv mass has been a surprising source of blessing for me. recently, i realized that it is not only a mass for the homebound. it is also a source of nourishment for those who serve. as we minister to the sick.. as we pray for those who need healing.. we ourselves are being ministered to. we ourselves are being healed. spiritually. physically. emotionally.

i thank the Lord for fr. mar’s inspiring homilies.. for the wonderful worship.. for the privilege of service.. and the feeling of belongingness everytime i attend our sunday masses. being in community certainly makes me feel God’s love in my heart.

i totally agree with what the donor of the check wrote. i thank God for letting me see a “glimpse of heaven” everytime i am with my Rivers family ü

i pray for our student.. and for so many more despairing people who are hurting behind smiling faces. i hope that the Lord will send them people who will make them feel His love.. who will share His joy and peace with them.

brothers and sisters, let us hope that we be privileged enough to be the “windows” of God’s love. because there are many who could certainly use a glimpse of heaven here on earth.