the tesseract (also known as the hyper-cube) is a four-dimensional object, whose sides are made up of cubes. nobody has really seen an actual tesseract (because we live only in a 3-dimensional world).. but mathematicians have long been able to discuss its properties, as well as those of other higher-dimensional objects (er.. is this getting too geeky? hehe..)
if nobody has ever seen or touched a tesseract, how can mathematicians be so sure that it exists? and why is it that they can be so sure of its properties and characteristics if they cannot even observe it through their senses?
one word: imagination
yes, contrary to popular belief, mathematicians are very creative. in fact, scientists have shown that there is a strong correlation between the artistic (specifically musical) and mathematical abilities of people. that is, if you are a mathematician, chances are you are also good in language/communication, music or art :)
math people are able to accurately describe (seemingly) “nonexistent” objects simply by using their imagination. and not only that, they can also “create” weird objects (and dream up the most out-of-this-world situations) by the same means. even the concept of infinity is nothing new to them.
but no matter how creative or imaginative we may be, there will always be a limit to what our brains can grasp and envision. because our finite minds are not designed to fully comprehend the infinite. at least, not in this earthly dwelling place.. :)
my years in the community have not enabled me to know all there is to know about him. i confess i don’t fully understand the concept of the trinity. nor do i fully grasp the immensity of his unconditional love for me. the most i could do is to imagine.. and to keep holding on to the hope that one day, i will see the fulness of his glory..
i can only imagine when that day comes,
and i find myself standing in the sun
i can only imagine when all i will do is forever, forever worship you
i can only imagine
surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel
will i dance for you, jesus, or in awe of you, be still
will i stand in your presence or to my knees will i fall
will i sing "hallelujah", will i be able to speak at all
i can only imagine.. i can only imagine..
for now, i can only imagine. but i don’t mind. because i know that being with him.. meeting him face to face would definitely be worth the wait :)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
hanggang
ilang ulit mo nang itinatanong sa akin / kung hanggang saan / hanggang saan, hanggang kailan / hanggang kailan magtatagal / ang aking pagmamahal..
tayong mga pilipino ay likas na romantiko. at di lamang romantiko. tayo ay mga taong mahilig sa musika at awit. likas sa atin ang magpahayag ng pagmamahal sa pamamagitan ng pagkanta. madaling maantig ang ating mga damdamin tuwing nakakarinig tayo ng mga awitin tungkol sa pag-ibig. ilan sa atin ang napapa-hayyyy tuwing inaawitan tayo ng ating mga minamahal? (hehe.. aminin! :p)
bihira nating naiisip ito, pero ang panginoon din ay mayroong mga awit ng pag-ibig para sa atin. hindi lamang sa bibliya matatagpuan ang kanyang pahayag ng pagmamahal, kundi sa mga tao at bagay na nakapaligid sa atin sa pang-araw-araw nating pamumuhay.
hanggang may himig pa akong naririnig / dito sa ating daigdig / hanggang may musika akong tinataglay / kita'y iniibig / giliw huwag mo sanang isiping / ikaw ay aking lilisanin / di ko magagawang lumayo sa 'yong piling / at nais kong malaman mo / kung gaano kita kamahal
naisip niyo na ba na maaaring inaawitan tayo ng ating panginoon habang pinakikinggan ang kantang ito?
hanggang saan nga ba ang abot ng pag-ibig niya para sa atin? at hanggang kailan niya tayo maaaring mahalin?
“sapagkat natitiyak kong ang kamatayan, ang buhay, ang mga anghel, ang mga pamunuan, ang mga bagay sa kasalukuyan, ang mga bagay na darating, ang mga kapangyarihan, ang kataasan, ang kalaliman, o ang alinmang nilalang ay hindi makapaghihiwalay sa atin sa pag-ibig ng diyos..” rom 8:38-39
ang pag-ibig niya sa atin ay hanggang sa walang hanggan :) hindi ba nakakakilig itong isipin? :)
* * *
parang ang gandang pakinggan.. nakakakilig marinig ang mga katagang ito :) nakaka-in-love, ika nga, hehe. ang sarap siguro ng pakiramdam kung may kakanta sa iyo nito, di ba? naalala ko tuloy ‘yung kwento ni bro obet at kung paano niyang hinarana ang misis niya, hehe.. :)tayong mga pilipino ay likas na romantiko. at di lamang romantiko. tayo ay mga taong mahilig sa musika at awit. likas sa atin ang magpahayag ng pagmamahal sa pamamagitan ng pagkanta. madaling maantig ang ating mga damdamin tuwing nakakarinig tayo ng mga awitin tungkol sa pag-ibig. ilan sa atin ang napapa-hayyyy tuwing inaawitan tayo ng ating mga minamahal? (hehe.. aminin! :p)
bihira nating naiisip ito, pero ang panginoon din ay mayroong mga awit ng pag-ibig para sa atin. hindi lamang sa bibliya matatagpuan ang kanyang pahayag ng pagmamahal, kundi sa mga tao at bagay na nakapaligid sa atin sa pang-araw-araw nating pamumuhay.
hanggang may himig pa akong naririnig / dito sa ating daigdig / hanggang may musika akong tinataglay / kita'y iniibig / giliw huwag mo sanang isiping / ikaw ay aking lilisanin / di ko magagawang lumayo sa 'yong piling / at nais kong malaman mo / kung gaano kita kamahal
naisip niyo na ba na maaaring inaawitan tayo ng ating panginoon habang pinakikinggan ang kantang ito?
hanggang saan nga ba ang abot ng pag-ibig niya para sa atin? at hanggang kailan niya tayo maaaring mahalin?
“sapagkat natitiyak kong ang kamatayan, ang buhay, ang mga anghel, ang mga pamunuan, ang mga bagay sa kasalukuyan, ang mga bagay na darating, ang mga kapangyarihan, ang kataasan, ang kalaliman, o ang alinmang nilalang ay hindi makapaghihiwalay sa atin sa pag-ibig ng diyos..” rom 8:38-39
ang pag-ibig niya sa atin ay hanggang sa walang hanggan :) hindi ba nakakakilig itong isipin? :)
Monday, June 30, 2008
my red shoe diary
i was sorting through my stuff just the other day. old clothes, bags, shoes and other items i hadn’t used in a long, long time were cluttered all over the floor. and as i was organizing my tons of stuff into piles (to be thrown, to be donated, to be kept), one particular item caught my eye.
a pair of shiny, pointy, red high-heeled shoes.
i remember the day i bought that particular pair. i was browsing through the shoe racks at the department store when i saw them. shiny. sophisticated-looking. attention-grabber. hot. i instantly knew i wanted to have those. but i’m not exactly a “red shoe” person.. so i opted to look around first before making any hasty decisions.
i went ‘round the store looking at some of the more practical and comfortable footwear. i tried on several pairs of more “wearable” flat shoes. but the image of those shiny red stilettos kept flashing in my head.
so i went on and bought the pair. i remember feeling so happy at the time. i thought of which blouses or dresses i could match with my red footwear. i imagined myself feeling more elegant (well.. the added height *does* help a lot, hahahahaha!) as i walked in my new shoes.
a few days after, i wore my red stilettos to a special occasion. they made me feel more sophisticated.. and they turned quite a number of heads (haha). but i didn’t wear them again after that.
why? because the shiny, pointy, red high-heeled shoes just weren’t me. they were nice to look at, but not exactly comfortable on my feet. they were flashy and hot, but they didn’t allow me to walk as quickly as i wanted to. besides, it was distracting to always have to make sure i would not slip or stumble as i walked awkwardly in my stilettos.
i’m not planning to throw or give away my red shoes any time soon, though. because they serve as a reminder to me.. that a lot of times, we are *sure* we know what we want in life. and we do anything and everything to get it. only to find out that it really wasn’t what we needed, after all.
brothers and sisters, it’s so easy to be attracted to the fancy trappings of this world. but in the end, all the glitter and flashiness that caught our eyes would never be enough to satisfy us. eventually, we will all go back to the source of our joy and our salvation.. and we will all seek the comfort and peace of our lord :)
“delight yourself in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” psalm 37:4
he provides for our needs.. he grants our wants and wishes. but most of all, he gives himself to us. and that, really, is all we need.. because he definitely satisfies our desires :)
a pair of shiny, pointy, red high-heeled shoes.
i remember the day i bought that particular pair. i was browsing through the shoe racks at the department store when i saw them. shiny. sophisticated-looking. attention-grabber. hot. i instantly knew i wanted to have those. but i’m not exactly a “red shoe” person.. so i opted to look around first before making any hasty decisions.
i went ‘round the store looking at some of the more practical and comfortable footwear. i tried on several pairs of more “wearable” flat shoes. but the image of those shiny red stilettos kept flashing in my head.
so i went on and bought the pair. i remember feeling so happy at the time. i thought of which blouses or dresses i could match with my red footwear. i imagined myself feeling more elegant (well.. the added height *does* help a lot, hahahahaha!) as i walked in my new shoes.
a few days after, i wore my red stilettos to a special occasion. they made me feel more sophisticated.. and they turned quite a number of heads (haha). but i didn’t wear them again after that.
why? because the shiny, pointy, red high-heeled shoes just weren’t me. they were nice to look at, but not exactly comfortable on my feet. they were flashy and hot, but they didn’t allow me to walk as quickly as i wanted to. besides, it was distracting to always have to make sure i would not slip or stumble as i walked awkwardly in my stilettos.
i’m not planning to throw or give away my red shoes any time soon, though. because they serve as a reminder to me.. that a lot of times, we are *sure* we know what we want in life. and we do anything and everything to get it. only to find out that it really wasn’t what we needed, after all.
brothers and sisters, it’s so easy to be attracted to the fancy trappings of this world. but in the end, all the glitter and flashiness that caught our eyes would never be enough to satisfy us. eventually, we will all go back to the source of our joy and our salvation.. and we will all seek the comfort and peace of our lord :)
“delight yourself in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” psalm 37:4
he provides for our needs.. he grants our wants and wishes. but most of all, he gives himself to us. and that, really, is all we need.. because he definitely satisfies our desires :)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
awit ng paghahangad
minsan, mas espesyal ang luha kaysa ngiti. dahil kahit sino puwede mong ngitian. pero ang luha, totoo lang naipapakita sa taong ‘di mo kayang iwan..
hindi ako iyaking tao. hindi ako humihikbi kapag nanonood ng drama. hindi ako naiiyak sa mga kasal, graduation at iba pang mga “kaiyak-iyak” na selebrasyon. bihirang mangilid ang mga mata ko ng luha.
hindi naman ako bato. hindi lang talaga ako sanay na ipinapakita sa iba ang tunay kong nararamdaman. ang tanging naiiyakan ko lang ay ang mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko nang lubos.
tulad ng iba, mayroong mga bagay na nakakapagpaiyak sa akin. di man ito makita ng ibang tao, minsan naiiyak ako sa galit kapag may nang-api o nakapagbitiw ng hindi magandang salita sa akin. minsan naiiyak ako sa dami ng gawaing kailangang tapusin, gayong pagod na pagod na ako. minsan rin, iniiiyak ko ang pagkainis ko kapag tila walang pinatutunguhan ang lahat ng aking pagsisikap.
pero may pagkakataon rin na, sa aking pag-iisa, umiiyak ako sa panginoon dahil hindi ko siya maramdaman. bagamat parati akong nagsisimba at pumupunta sa mga prayer meeting.. sa kabila ng lingguhang pag-awit ko ng mga papuri sa kanya.. minsan hindi ko pa rin madama ang kanyang presensya.
marahil isa sa pinakamahirap na maranasan ay ang umiyak ng mga luha ng paghahangad - ang naising makapiling ang isang minamahal na tila ayaw magpakita o magparamdam sa iyo. sinasabi sa awit 42:1.. “kung paanong yaong batis ang hanap ng isang usa; gayon hinahanap ang diyos ng uhaw kong kaluluwa”
subalit ang paghahangad sa ating panginoon ay di lamang luha ang idinudulot. ang ating patuloy na paghahanap sa kanya, balang araw, ay magbubunga ng kagalakan at tuwa. sapagkat sa ating pagkauhaw at sa ating pagsunod sa kanyang mga yapak ay magkakaroon tayo ng pusong nakatuon lamang sa kanya. at ito ay magbibigay sa atin, hindi ng luha, kundi ng awit ng paghahangad para sa ating panginoong minamahal.
“gunita ko’y ikaw habang nahihimlay, pagka’t ang tulong mo sa twina’y taglay; sa lilim ng iyong mga pakpak, umaawit akong buong galak..”
hindi ako iyaking tao. hindi ako humihikbi kapag nanonood ng drama. hindi ako naiiyak sa mga kasal, graduation at iba pang mga “kaiyak-iyak” na selebrasyon. bihirang mangilid ang mga mata ko ng luha.
hindi naman ako bato. hindi lang talaga ako sanay na ipinapakita sa iba ang tunay kong nararamdaman. ang tanging naiiyakan ko lang ay ang mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko nang lubos.
tulad ng iba, mayroong mga bagay na nakakapagpaiyak sa akin. di man ito makita ng ibang tao, minsan naiiyak ako sa galit kapag may nang-api o nakapagbitiw ng hindi magandang salita sa akin. minsan naiiyak ako sa dami ng gawaing kailangang tapusin, gayong pagod na pagod na ako. minsan rin, iniiiyak ko ang pagkainis ko kapag tila walang pinatutunguhan ang lahat ng aking pagsisikap.
pero may pagkakataon rin na, sa aking pag-iisa, umiiyak ako sa panginoon dahil hindi ko siya maramdaman. bagamat parati akong nagsisimba at pumupunta sa mga prayer meeting.. sa kabila ng lingguhang pag-awit ko ng mga papuri sa kanya.. minsan hindi ko pa rin madama ang kanyang presensya.
marahil isa sa pinakamahirap na maranasan ay ang umiyak ng mga luha ng paghahangad - ang naising makapiling ang isang minamahal na tila ayaw magpakita o magparamdam sa iyo. sinasabi sa awit 42:1.. “kung paanong yaong batis ang hanap ng isang usa; gayon hinahanap ang diyos ng uhaw kong kaluluwa”
subalit ang paghahangad sa ating panginoon ay di lamang luha ang idinudulot. ang ating patuloy na paghahanap sa kanya, balang araw, ay magbubunga ng kagalakan at tuwa. sapagkat sa ating pagkauhaw at sa ating pagsunod sa kanyang mga yapak ay magkakaroon tayo ng pusong nakatuon lamang sa kanya. at ito ay magbibigay sa atin, hindi ng luha, kundi ng awit ng paghahangad para sa ating panginoong minamahal.
“gunita ko’y ikaw habang nahihimlay, pagka’t ang tulong mo sa twina’y taglay; sa lilim ng iyong mga pakpak, umaawit akong buong galak..”
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
no air
humans and animals exposed to vacuum will lose consciousness after a few seconds and die of hypoxia (shortage of oxygen) within minutes...
- from wikipedia
last month, i went to the wake of a friend’s father. when i asked his widow how he died, she said he died of asthma - his air passage was blocked.. and by the time help arrived, it was too late. he was dead by the time they got him to the hospital.
a few minutes with no air and a person dies.
wow. that sure is a scary thought. i remember trying to imagine what it would feel like, not to be able to take in air. to be in a room filled with oxygen.. but to not be able to breathe it in. i certainly would not want that happening to me.
but who *really* worries about not being able to breathe? only those who have experienced it, i guess. because for the most part, we worry about a lot of other things..
.. the soaring price of fuel.. the rice shortage.. the increase in tuition fees.. the devaluation of the peso.. the rising crime rate..
yes, we are concerned with a lot of things. and these *are* important. but oftentimes, we forget to be concerned about the *essential* things - those that we need to keep us *alive*
like air.
like god.
one moment without god and *everything* ceases to exist.
like most *essential* things, we tend to take the lord for granted. we simply assume that we will continue taking in his blessings and provisions, no matter what our spiritual condition may be.
but like my friend’s father, who could not breathe in the oxygen in his well-aired room, if we are not careful, we might find ourselves in a situation where we can no longer take in god’s blessings of love, mercy and forgiveness. if we continue to neglect our quiet time.. if we refuse to listen to his admonitions.. if we keep on making him our last priority, time may come when our hearts become so hardened that we can no longer hear him nor feel him.
brothers and sisters, we need to keep our spiritual lives healthy. keeping ourselves in tune with god is *not* optional. it is a must, if we want to keep walking the christian walk.
all of life’s problems and cares should never distract us from what is most important: our god. because it is far safer to be in jesus’ boat in the midst of a storm.. than to be sailing on our own, though the sea may be calm.
god bless, everybody.. and stay safe! :)
- from wikipedia
last month, i went to the wake of a friend’s father. when i asked his widow how he died, she said he died of asthma - his air passage was blocked.. and by the time help arrived, it was too late. he was dead by the time they got him to the hospital.
a few minutes with no air and a person dies.
wow. that sure is a scary thought. i remember trying to imagine what it would feel like, not to be able to take in air. to be in a room filled with oxygen.. but to not be able to breathe it in. i certainly would not want that happening to me.
but who *really* worries about not being able to breathe? only those who have experienced it, i guess. because for the most part, we worry about a lot of other things..
.. the soaring price of fuel.. the rice shortage.. the increase in tuition fees.. the devaluation of the peso.. the rising crime rate..
yes, we are concerned with a lot of things. and these *are* important. but oftentimes, we forget to be concerned about the *essential* things - those that we need to keep us *alive*
like air.
like god.
one moment without god and *everything* ceases to exist.
like most *essential* things, we tend to take the lord for granted. we simply assume that we will continue taking in his blessings and provisions, no matter what our spiritual condition may be.
but like my friend’s father, who could not breathe in the oxygen in his well-aired room, if we are not careful, we might find ourselves in a situation where we can no longer take in god’s blessings of love, mercy and forgiveness. if we continue to neglect our quiet time.. if we refuse to listen to his admonitions.. if we keep on making him our last priority, time may come when our hearts become so hardened that we can no longer hear him nor feel him.
brothers and sisters, we need to keep our spiritual lives healthy. keeping ourselves in tune with god is *not* optional. it is a must, if we want to keep walking the christian walk.
all of life’s problems and cares should never distract us from what is most important: our god. because it is far safer to be in jesus’ boat in the midst of a storm.. than to be sailing on our own, though the sea may be calm.
god bless, everybody.. and stay safe! :)
Monday, June 9, 2008
summer’s almost gone
summer’s almost over. we all know that ‘coz school’s starting again. i’ve readied all my “schoolstuff” hehe. i have my new notebooks, pens, board markers and record books ready. i cleaned out my teacher’s desk too.. it’s now prepared for the onslaught of papers i’ll be checking this coming week. i even have a printout of my sked for this semester. yup. i’ve prepared almost everything i need for the start of classes.
except my mind :p
*sigh* truth be told, i don’t *want* to go back to school. not *yet* anyway. in spite of the heat and all the “evils” summer brings, i’d have to say i’m going to miss the vacation :p
i wasn’t able to do much traveling during summer break. with all the lectures, teacher training seminars and other involvements i had this may, i didn’t have time to go out of town. no parties.. no vacations in tagaytay.. not even a wade in the swimming pool.
i was, however, able to spend a lot of time with the family - something that doesn’t always happen during school days (work and service in the community do take up a lot of our time). we were able to watch movies together.. eat dinner at a semi-fancy restaurant.. bond in front of the boob tube (and pc hehehe).. and basically just laze around the house haha. it may sound boring to most.. but i do treasure those moments. simple moments that i get to be with the people i love most - my dad and my mom :)
and now that summer’s almost gone, part of me is sulking that the vacation will be coming to a halt. but it doesn’t really bother me all that much. why? because i’m pretty sure of one thing: no matter what season it is, i know my father will always have time for me :)
i’ve written a lot about my dad.. how he’s done so much for me.. and how he shows his love in big and small ways. i’ve said countless times how great he is. he’s intelligent, sensitive, friendly, wise, wacky and hard-working. he’s god-fearing and helpful and he knows a lot of stuff (especially about computers and gadgets :p) but all these wonderful traits pale next to the fact that he is always there for me.. and my mom. he’s there during “summer” days when everything is laid-back and fun. but he’s also there to bail me out during “stormy” days when everything seems to fall apart.
just like my heavenly father :)
and for that (as well as many more wonderful reasons), i love him :p
happy father’s day with love :)
except my mind :p
*sigh* truth be told, i don’t *want* to go back to school. not *yet* anyway. in spite of the heat and all the “evils” summer brings, i’d have to say i’m going to miss the vacation :p
i wasn’t able to do much traveling during summer break. with all the lectures, teacher training seminars and other involvements i had this may, i didn’t have time to go out of town. no parties.. no vacations in tagaytay.. not even a wade in the swimming pool.
i was, however, able to spend a lot of time with the family - something that doesn’t always happen during school days (work and service in the community do take up a lot of our time). we were able to watch movies together.. eat dinner at a semi-fancy restaurant.. bond in front of the boob tube (and pc hehehe).. and basically just laze around the house haha. it may sound boring to most.. but i do treasure those moments. simple moments that i get to be with the people i love most - my dad and my mom :)
and now that summer’s almost gone, part of me is sulking that the vacation will be coming to a halt. but it doesn’t really bother me all that much. why? because i’m pretty sure of one thing: no matter what season it is, i know my father will always have time for me :)
i’ve written a lot about my dad.. how he’s done so much for me.. and how he shows his love in big and small ways. i’ve said countless times how great he is. he’s intelligent, sensitive, friendly, wise, wacky and hard-working. he’s god-fearing and helpful and he knows a lot of stuff (especially about computers and gadgets :p) but all these wonderful traits pale next to the fact that he is always there for me.. and my mom. he’s there during “summer” days when everything is laid-back and fun. but he’s also there to bail me out during “stormy” days when everything seems to fall apart.
just like my heavenly father :)
and for that (as well as many more wonderful reasons), i love him :p
happy father’s day with love :)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
ctrl+z
out of all the computer (shortcut) commands that i use in typing, i’d have to say that this is my favorite. yup, next to ctrl+s (which allows me to save my typewritten document), ctrl+z is the one that i use the most.
so what does ctrl+z do? well, this command lets you undo the last operation you performed. and what’s great is that you can keep on pressing ctrl+z until you get rid of all your wrong steps. cool ü
as i am writing down this piece, i tried counting the number of times i used undo commands. here’s the breakdown as of now:
ctrl+z : 13 times
backspace : 9 times
delete : 12 times
hmm. no wonder i find it so difficult to simply write down my articles on a piece of paper. i make too many mistakes.. too many revisions.. that i’d probably use up half my notebook just to finalize one article contribution in this newsletter, hehehe :p
wouldn’t it be great if we also had a ctrl+z command that we could use in real life? imagine if we could always undo our mistakes and replace our wrong decisions with the right ones. no regrets. wow.
in isaiah 1:18, the lord himself said:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
brothers and sisters, as children of god, we have something even better than a ctrl+z command. it’s called forgiveness ü and all we really need to do to obtain it is to get down on our knees each time we fall, and like the psalmist in psalm 51, pray “cleanse me with hyssop, and i will be clean; wash me, and i will be whiter than snow.“
we have been washed with the blood of jesus (1 peter 1:19).. and each time we come to him, we are made whiter than snow ü that sure beats any “undo” command i know :p
so what does ctrl+z do? well, this command lets you undo the last operation you performed. and what’s great is that you can keep on pressing ctrl+z until you get rid of all your wrong steps. cool ü
as i am writing down this piece, i tried counting the number of times i used undo commands. here’s the breakdown as of now:
ctrl+z : 13 times
backspace : 9 times
delete : 12 times
hmm. no wonder i find it so difficult to simply write down my articles on a piece of paper. i make too many mistakes.. too many revisions.. that i’d probably use up half my notebook just to finalize one article contribution in this newsletter, hehehe :p
wouldn’t it be great if we also had a ctrl+z command that we could use in real life? imagine if we could always undo our mistakes and replace our wrong decisions with the right ones. no regrets. wow.
in isaiah 1:18, the lord himself said:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
brothers and sisters, as children of god, we have something even better than a ctrl+z command. it’s called forgiveness ü and all we really need to do to obtain it is to get down on our knees each time we fall, and like the psalmist in psalm 51, pray “cleanse me with hyssop, and i will be clean; wash me, and i will be whiter than snow.“
we have been washed with the blood of jesus (1 peter 1:19).. and each time we come to him, we are made whiter than snow ü that sure beats any “undo” command i know :p
natutulog ba ang diyos?
hindi ako sanay matulog nang gabi. lagi akong maagang matulog. ay.. mali.. hindi pala. lagi pala akong umaga kung matulog, hehe :p
ewan ko nga ba. kahit gaano ako kapagod, at kahit gaano ako inaantok, hindi pa rin ako makatulog nang mas maaga sa alas dose nang madaling araw. humiga man ako nang alas diyes, hindi titigil ang utak ko sa kaiisip hanggang hindi pa nagmamadaling-araw.
mahirap ang magkaroon ng insomnia :( isipin mo, pagod ang katawan mo at pagod ang isip mo pero hindi ka makapagpahinga. naisin mo mang mahimbing, hindi mo naman magawang matulog. at siyempre, isa sa pinakamahirap para sa isang insomniac tulad ko ay ang nakakabibinging katahimikan. siyempre, kapag madaling-araw, wala kang makakausap. haha, siguro kahit ang pinakamatalik mong kaibigan ay hindi papayag na makipag-usap sa ‘yo sa telepono (o makipag-text) magdamagan nang pitong araw sunud-sunod para lang antukin ka.
naisip ko tuloy minsan, paano kaya ang diyos? hindi kaya siya napapagod? sa dami ng mga panalanging naririnig niya mula sa atin araw-araw, gabi-gabi.. hindi ba siya naiirita?! haha.. ako nga, kapag nagkukulang ako sa tulog nang sunud-sunod na araw, halos ‘di na maipinta ang mukha ko. pa’no pa kaya siya, na pirmi nating kinukulit dahil sa mga “unanswered prayer” natin? bakit nga ba hindi nagpapahinga ang diyos?!
hindi ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ipinapahinga ng diyos ang kanyang mga tenga sa ating mga dasal. hindi ko alam kung saan niya hinuhugot ang walang-patid niyang pagpapasensya at pag-uunawa. hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko, natatawa siya sa akin habang tinatanong ko ang mga bagay na ito (totoo.. tumatawa siya ngayon, hahaha).
basta ang alam ko, nagpapasalamat ako’t parati siyang gising :) dahil sa mga pagkakataong wala akong makausap o makasama, nakakagaan ng isip at kaloobang malaman na nandiyan lang siya sa tabi ko. nagbabantay, nakikinig, dumaramay at oo.. minsan.. tumatawa :)
ewan ko nga ba. kahit gaano ako kapagod, at kahit gaano ako inaantok, hindi pa rin ako makatulog nang mas maaga sa alas dose nang madaling araw. humiga man ako nang alas diyes, hindi titigil ang utak ko sa kaiisip hanggang hindi pa nagmamadaling-araw.
mahirap ang magkaroon ng insomnia :( isipin mo, pagod ang katawan mo at pagod ang isip mo pero hindi ka makapagpahinga. naisin mo mang mahimbing, hindi mo naman magawang matulog. at siyempre, isa sa pinakamahirap para sa isang insomniac tulad ko ay ang nakakabibinging katahimikan. siyempre, kapag madaling-araw, wala kang makakausap. haha, siguro kahit ang pinakamatalik mong kaibigan ay hindi papayag na makipag-usap sa ‘yo sa telepono (o makipag-text) magdamagan nang pitong araw sunud-sunod para lang antukin ka.
naisip ko tuloy minsan, paano kaya ang diyos? hindi kaya siya napapagod? sa dami ng mga panalanging naririnig niya mula sa atin araw-araw, gabi-gabi.. hindi ba siya naiirita?! haha.. ako nga, kapag nagkukulang ako sa tulog nang sunud-sunod na araw, halos ‘di na maipinta ang mukha ko. pa’no pa kaya siya, na pirmi nating kinukulit dahil sa mga “unanswered prayer” natin? bakit nga ba hindi nagpapahinga ang diyos?!
hindi ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ipinapahinga ng diyos ang kanyang mga tenga sa ating mga dasal. hindi ko alam kung saan niya hinuhugot ang walang-patid niyang pagpapasensya at pag-uunawa. hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko, natatawa siya sa akin habang tinatanong ko ang mga bagay na ito (totoo.. tumatawa siya ngayon, hahaha).
basta ang alam ko, nagpapasalamat ako’t parati siyang gising :) dahil sa mga pagkakataong wala akong makausap o makasama, nakakagaan ng isip at kaloobang malaman na nandiyan lang siya sa tabi ko. nagbabantay, nakikinig, dumaramay at oo.. minsan.. tumatawa :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
one way thoughts
i have always been fascinated with one-way mirrors. you know.. the ones you see on tv.. where the cops watch as the suspect is being interrogated?! i’ve always found those mirrors interesting. mostly because i love observing people - what they are doing, how they react to situations, etc - but i avoid being watched by others. i prefer to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.
i guess in a way, i feel like i am a one-way mirror - reflecting what people expect from me, while keeping most of the real me secret.
this day started out quite badly for me. i was late for my 8am lecture because the seminar was held at a different venue from last time, and i was not informed about the change. it was hot and humid, and the new room did not have air conditioning. to make things worse, i could not use the presentation i prepared because the lcd projector was not available. i was extremely irritated.
but i had work to do. and that required me to be on top of things.. to be in control of the situation and of my feelings. so i forced myself to keep my annoyance from showing. i focused on the teachers i was training.. took cues from their nonverbal language.. and tried to find out how to make the lecture interesting and fun.
thankfully, the session went quite well ü
i couldn’t help but breathe a loud sigh of relief when i was through giving the lecture this morning. i didn’t have to bottle up my frustration anymore. i could just be alone as i drove my car.. and rant without anyone else knowing.
anyway. i listen to the cd in my player (hillsong - for all you’ve done) and hear these lines from an upbeat song that lifted my spirits for the rest of the day..
in troubled times its you i seek / i put you first thats all i need / i humble all i am, all to you
hmm. the lord sure has a funny way of making his presence felt ü he reminded me that no matter how troubled i may feel, he will always be there for me to turn to. with him, i don’t have to pretend. we have no secrets.. no one-way conversations. he will *always* know how i feel - the rants, the frustrations and all the hidden stuff nobody else sees. and he wouldn’t mind. not at all ü
one way jesus / you’re the only one that i could live for
yes, you are the only one i could live for - my source of joy and my closest (open) friend, haha ü and i am glad to be walking this one-way journey to you. no turning back! ü
i guess in a way, i feel like i am a one-way mirror - reflecting what people expect from me, while keeping most of the real me secret.
this day started out quite badly for me. i was late for my 8am lecture because the seminar was held at a different venue from last time, and i was not informed about the change. it was hot and humid, and the new room did not have air conditioning. to make things worse, i could not use the presentation i prepared because the lcd projector was not available. i was extremely irritated.
but i had work to do. and that required me to be on top of things.. to be in control of the situation and of my feelings. so i forced myself to keep my annoyance from showing. i focused on the teachers i was training.. took cues from their nonverbal language.. and tried to find out how to make the lecture interesting and fun.
thankfully, the session went quite well ü
i couldn’t help but breathe a loud sigh of relief when i was through giving the lecture this morning. i didn’t have to bottle up my frustration anymore. i could just be alone as i drove my car.. and rant without anyone else knowing.
anyway. i listen to the cd in my player (hillsong - for all you’ve done) and hear these lines from an upbeat song that lifted my spirits for the rest of the day..
in troubled times its you i seek / i put you first thats all i need / i humble all i am, all to you
hmm. the lord sure has a funny way of making his presence felt ü he reminded me that no matter how troubled i may feel, he will always be there for me to turn to. with him, i don’t have to pretend. we have no secrets.. no one-way conversations. he will *always* know how i feel - the rants, the frustrations and all the hidden stuff nobody else sees. and he wouldn’t mind. not at all ü
one way jesus / you’re the only one that i could live for
yes, you are the only one i could live for - my source of joy and my closest (open) friend, haha ü and i am glad to be walking this one-way journey to you. no turning back! ü
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
hidden in plain sight
i misplaced my sm advantage card sometime last week. i looked for it everywhere - in my wallet, in my spare bag, in my other wallet (yeah, i have lots of those, hahaha), in my car, under the car seat, in my jeans pocket(s). for days, i searched my room, my desk and my computer table.. and turned up nothing.
by then, i had already given up trying to look for my missing card. i decided to just go get a new one the next time i went to the mall.
then last sunday, as i was organizing the contents of my bag, i saw my sm advantage card neatly tucked into its usual place in my purse. in the same place i looked a dozen or more times just a few days ago. haha. my card was effectively hidden in plain sight.
reading glasses, credit cards, car keys, pens. these are not the only things that can be hidden in plain sight. too often, we go desperately searching for a lot of things - happiness, contentment, peace, love - in vain. not because we look in the wrong places. but probably because we are not truly ready to see them. even if they are right in front of our very eyes.
we often pray for financial stability.. but when the lord gives us a job that provides good income, we complain about how it uses up all our time and energy. we pray for good health.. but when our doctors tell us to take our meds and watch our diet, we refuse to follow. we pray for blessings.. but we withhold blessings from those in need, even if god tells us to “give and it will be given [us]“.
brothers and sisters, what are you searching for in life? what do you ask for from the lord during your prayer time? maybe he has already given it to you.. but it remains hidden from you.. in plain sight.
may the lord open our eyes to see all the (hidden) blessings that he sends our ways. and may he enable our hearts to be grateful for his goodness, his providence and his love :)
god bless, everybody! :)
by then, i had already given up trying to look for my missing card. i decided to just go get a new one the next time i went to the mall.
then last sunday, as i was organizing the contents of my bag, i saw my sm advantage card neatly tucked into its usual place in my purse. in the same place i looked a dozen or more times just a few days ago. haha. my card was effectively hidden in plain sight.
reading glasses, credit cards, car keys, pens. these are not the only things that can be hidden in plain sight. too often, we go desperately searching for a lot of things - happiness, contentment, peace, love - in vain. not because we look in the wrong places. but probably because we are not truly ready to see them. even if they are right in front of our very eyes.
we often pray for financial stability.. but when the lord gives us a job that provides good income, we complain about how it uses up all our time and energy. we pray for good health.. but when our doctors tell us to take our meds and watch our diet, we refuse to follow. we pray for blessings.. but we withhold blessings from those in need, even if god tells us to “give and it will be given [us]“.
brothers and sisters, what are you searching for in life? what do you ask for from the lord during your prayer time? maybe he has already given it to you.. but it remains hidden from you.. in plain sight.
may the lord open our eyes to see all the (hidden) blessings that he sends our ways. and may he enable our hearts to be grateful for his goodness, his providence and his love :)
god bless, everybody! :)
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
taking the back seat
aside from “wala ka ba talagang balak mag-asawa?”, the question i am most often asked is “ayaw mo bang magtrabaho abroad? o kaya lumipat sa ibang trabaho na mas mataas ang sweldo?!” hmm. well, “none” to the first question and “no” to the second. hehehe ü
it’s not that i don’t need additional money. i do. *definitely* but i guess i realized that while money is important, it is not my main consideration whenever i make career choices.
i am a teacher. in a state university. so, no.. i do not earn much. and several times, i’ve tried applying in other higher-paying colleges, but never really was able to secure a full-time position in any of them. i thought to myself, “why couldn’t i secure a better-paying job? am i not good enough? am i too old to compete with other teachers?”
but the lord took away my misgivings and assured me that i was where he wanted me to be. because two years ago, by his grace, i was able to get tenure in our school (this is another sharing in itself, haha).. and this coming year, i will be appointed head of our department - an honor i certainly was not expecting. and now, after a long, long, long wait, it is official: itataas na daw ang sweldo ng mga UP teachers. hahaha. our salaries are (supposedly) going to be comparable to those of teachers in private schools.
and i’m glad i waited ü because in our school, the teaching load is not too heavy. and class sizes are not so big. i have lots of room for professional growth, and opportunities for learning. and of course, my time is (relatively) flexible. which means i have a lot of time to spend with family.. and a lot of time for service. i am happy where i am. and i believe, god is too.
in deciding my career path, i let financial considerations take the back seat, and allowed god to close and open whichever doors he wanted. and he proved himself faithful and trustworthy ü
lord, always give me the strength and courage to take the back seat and hand over the reins of my life to you. may you always be the first consideration in all my decision-making.. because with you in my life, there is nothing more i need ü
it’s not that i don’t need additional money. i do. *definitely* but i guess i realized that while money is important, it is not my main consideration whenever i make career choices.
i am a teacher. in a state university. so, no.. i do not earn much. and several times, i’ve tried applying in other higher-paying colleges, but never really was able to secure a full-time position in any of them. i thought to myself, “why couldn’t i secure a better-paying job? am i not good enough? am i too old to compete with other teachers?”
but the lord took away my misgivings and assured me that i was where he wanted me to be. because two years ago, by his grace, i was able to get tenure in our school (this is another sharing in itself, haha).. and this coming year, i will be appointed head of our department - an honor i certainly was not expecting. and now, after a long, long, long wait, it is official: itataas na daw ang sweldo ng mga UP teachers. hahaha. our salaries are (supposedly) going to be comparable to those of teachers in private schools.
and i’m glad i waited ü because in our school, the teaching load is not too heavy. and class sizes are not so big. i have lots of room for professional growth, and opportunities for learning. and of course, my time is (relatively) flexible. which means i have a lot of time to spend with family.. and a lot of time for service. i am happy where i am. and i believe, god is too.
in deciding my career path, i let financial considerations take the back seat, and allowed god to close and open whichever doors he wanted. and he proved himself faithful and trustworthy ü
lord, always give me the strength and courage to take the back seat and hand over the reins of my life to you. may you always be the first consideration in all my decision-making.. because with you in my life, there is nothing more i need ü
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
fill in the blanks
“the heart of __________ is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.”(Honore de Balzac)
“__________‘s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking. it never fails nor falters, even though the heart is breaking” (Helen Rice)
“ __________ understands what a child does not say.”
it isn’t so difficult to fill in the blanks, is it? :) the first time i read these, i initially thought the answer was “GOD” :) but when i looked at the original quotes, i found out that the missing phrase was “A MOTHER” ü
a jewish proverb says, “god could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” well, we know that god is everywhere.. but i’m still grateful he made mothers. or at least, that he made mine, hehe ü ‘coz i believe that, as soon as we were born, god wanted us to get a glimpse of his face and his love - through our mothers ü
my mom is not very extravagant in her show of affection. she’s quite shy in that way. but she is one of the most loving people i know. in the way she honored her parents.. in her dedication to her family.. her commitment to work and her persistence in prayer, i learned that god wasn’t a faraway deity, but someone who’s real. someone who’s part of our daily life. someone who *is* family.
as i grew up, my mom has always been there to listen to my sumbong’s and to wipe away my tears. she would be the first to take my side.. give moral support.. and make me feel that i am not alone. thanks to my mom, i never saw the lord as someone unapproachable. and i was always confident that he would hear me out - no matter what.
so i guess how i know god is a product of how i know my mom. and i’m very fortunate that he has blessed me with a mother who is able to show me who he is.. through her love and through her faith ü
happy mother’s day, mom :) i love you ü
“__________‘s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking. it never fails nor falters, even though the heart is breaking” (Helen Rice)
“ __________ understands what a child does not say.”
it isn’t so difficult to fill in the blanks, is it? :) the first time i read these, i initially thought the answer was “GOD” :) but when i looked at the original quotes, i found out that the missing phrase was “A MOTHER” ü
a jewish proverb says, “god could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” well, we know that god is everywhere.. but i’m still grateful he made mothers. or at least, that he made mine, hehe ü ‘coz i believe that, as soon as we were born, god wanted us to get a glimpse of his face and his love - through our mothers ü
my mom is not very extravagant in her show of affection. she’s quite shy in that way. but she is one of the most loving people i know. in the way she honored her parents.. in her dedication to her family.. her commitment to work and her persistence in prayer, i learned that god wasn’t a faraway deity, but someone who’s real. someone who’s part of our daily life. someone who *is* family.
as i grew up, my mom has always been there to listen to my sumbong’s and to wipe away my tears. she would be the first to take my side.. give moral support.. and make me feel that i am not alone. thanks to my mom, i never saw the lord as someone unapproachable. and i was always confident that he would hear me out - no matter what.
so i guess how i know god is a product of how i know my mom. and i’m very fortunate that he has blessed me with a mother who is able to show me who he is.. through her love and through her faith ü
happy mother’s day, mom :) i love you ü
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
warrior is a child
people say that i’m amazing, i’m strong beyond my years. but they don’t see inside of me, i’m hiding all these tears..
sis yna led the afternoon worship on the second day of the leaders’ retreat last weekend. and one of the songs in her lineup was “warrior is a child” by gary v. when i learned that she would be using the song, i knew immediately that the lord was going to make me experience something special in our retreat. and i got that odd feeling in the pit of my stomach - the kind you get when you’re nervous and excited and you’re expecting something to happen but you’re dreading it at the same time.
you see, this particular song is special to me. because during my early years in the renewal, that’s the song i’d always sing or meditate on when i pray. it was like my “theme song” with god. because in spite of the facade of maturity and toughness that i put on when i’m with my peers, deep inside, i’ve always known that i am simply a child before him.
but time went by.. and a lot of things have happened to me. i became involved in many, many activities, both professionally and in ministry service. i lost friends and gained new ones. i learned that trust is easily broken and very difficult to regain. and i traded my idealism for cynicism.. steadfast faith for apathy. all this.. while i continued to serve in the community.
so it was with some trepidation that i listened to *that* song again. i was fully aware of how far i’d come from “my old self.” and i wasn’t sure i wanted to remember “the old times” i had with god. i’ve changed so much through the years - i didn’t feel like a trusting, loving child at all. i felt more like a rebellious adolescent who refuses to let anyone in.
but i guess, deep inside, i always knew the truth: no matter how many times i turn away.. or how many times i tell myself that apathy is the solution to my pain, i would *always* come running back home to him.
they don’t know that i come running home when i fall down. they don’t know who picks me up when no one is around. i drop my sword and cry for just a while. ‘coz deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child..
i thank god that he still moves mountains in my life :) and i’m grateful that, in spite of the walls i’ve put up and the defensive armor i’ve worn to keep myself from getting hurt, he’s still able to get through to me.
and now i’m ready to let him love me again. the warrior is a child once more :)
sis yna led the afternoon worship on the second day of the leaders’ retreat last weekend. and one of the songs in her lineup was “warrior is a child” by gary v. when i learned that she would be using the song, i knew immediately that the lord was going to make me experience something special in our retreat. and i got that odd feeling in the pit of my stomach - the kind you get when you’re nervous and excited and you’re expecting something to happen but you’re dreading it at the same time.
you see, this particular song is special to me. because during my early years in the renewal, that’s the song i’d always sing or meditate on when i pray. it was like my “theme song” with god. because in spite of the facade of maturity and toughness that i put on when i’m with my peers, deep inside, i’ve always known that i am simply a child before him.
but time went by.. and a lot of things have happened to me. i became involved in many, many activities, both professionally and in ministry service. i lost friends and gained new ones. i learned that trust is easily broken and very difficult to regain. and i traded my idealism for cynicism.. steadfast faith for apathy. all this.. while i continued to serve in the community.
so it was with some trepidation that i listened to *that* song again. i was fully aware of how far i’d come from “my old self.” and i wasn’t sure i wanted to remember “the old times” i had with god. i’ve changed so much through the years - i didn’t feel like a trusting, loving child at all. i felt more like a rebellious adolescent who refuses to let anyone in.
but i guess, deep inside, i always knew the truth: no matter how many times i turn away.. or how many times i tell myself that apathy is the solution to my pain, i would *always* come running back home to him.
they don’t know that i come running home when i fall down. they don’t know who picks me up when no one is around. i drop my sword and cry for just a while. ‘coz deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child..
i thank god that he still moves mountains in my life :) and i’m grateful that, in spite of the walls i’ve put up and the defensive armor i’ve worn to keep myself from getting hurt, he’s still able to get through to me.
and now i’m ready to let him love me again. the warrior is a child once more :)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
sa paglilingkod may saya
panginoon ituro mo ang landas ng pagmamahal
maging bukas ang palad sa pagtulong sa kapwa ko
turuan mong sarili ko’y ialay para sa ‘yo
tulungan mong maglingkod sa ‘yo
hirap ma’y danasin ko
sapagka’t tanging sa kapwa lang makikita’ng
pag-ibig mo
at sa paglilingkod may saya sa puso ko
22 abril 2008. makabuluhan ang araw na ito para sa 93 na mga mag-aaral na magsisipagtapos mamayang hapon. kaninang umaga, ginanap ang kanilang baccalaureate ceremonies sa paaralan.
alas sais nang umaga, nasa paaralan na sila. nagkukuwentuhan, nagkakatuwaan at siyempre, nagkokodakan ü ang mga estudyante kong laging nahuhuli sa alas-otso na klase nila sa matematika, hayun.. nauna pa sa aking dumating sa kampus ü
ako naman, gumising nang alas kwatro y media. nagmadaling maligo, magpaganda (haha.. kailangan eh :p) at mag-ayos ng sarili. dala-dala ko ang camera, ang recorder, mga lyric sheet at mga kopya ng babasahin bagamat kulang sa tulog, di pa kumakain ng agahan at maraming kailangang asikasuhin, masaya kong binati ang mga bata. dahil alam kong minsan lamang sa buhay nila magaganap ang ganitong okasyon. at ako naman, na di lamang kanilang guro kundi kaibigan na rin, ay nakikiisa sa kanilang kagalakan ü
inaamin ko, hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay madali para sa akin ang maging masaya. madalas, lalung-lalo na ngayong summer na napakaraming mga gawaing naghihintay na mapagtuunan ng pansin. kadalasan ay ‘di ko na nakukuhang ngumiti; minsan nga ay nasusungitan ko ang ilang mga kasama ko - sa trabaho, at pati na rin sa community.
ngunit ngayong umaga, nagpapasalamat ako sa panginoon dahil pinadama ulit niya sa akin ang kasiyahang bunga ng paglilingkod. naniniwala akong hindi lamang sa simbahan at sa community maisasagawa ang paninilbihan sa kanya. sa ating mga opisina.. sa ating mga pamilya.. at sa lahat ng mga taong ating nakakasalamuha.. tayo ay maaaring maglingkod sa kanya ü
maraming salamat, panginoon, dahil ipinakita mo sa akin ang iyong pagmamahal sa ngiti at nagniningning na mata ng mga taong pinagsisilbihan ko. tunay ngang sa paglilingkod ay may saya.. basta’t narito ka sa puso ko ü
maging bukas ang palad sa pagtulong sa kapwa ko
turuan mong sarili ko’y ialay para sa ‘yo
tulungan mong maglingkod sa ‘yo
hirap ma’y danasin ko
sapagka’t tanging sa kapwa lang makikita’ng
pag-ibig mo
at sa paglilingkod may saya sa puso ko
22 abril 2008. makabuluhan ang araw na ito para sa 93 na mga mag-aaral na magsisipagtapos mamayang hapon. kaninang umaga, ginanap ang kanilang baccalaureate ceremonies sa paaralan.
alas sais nang umaga, nasa paaralan na sila. nagkukuwentuhan, nagkakatuwaan at siyempre, nagkokodakan ü ang mga estudyante kong laging nahuhuli sa alas-otso na klase nila sa matematika, hayun.. nauna pa sa aking dumating sa kampus ü
ako naman, gumising nang alas kwatro y media. nagmadaling maligo, magpaganda (haha.. kailangan eh :p) at mag-ayos ng sarili. dala-dala ko ang camera, ang recorder, mga lyric sheet at mga kopya ng babasahin bagamat kulang sa tulog, di pa kumakain ng agahan at maraming kailangang asikasuhin, masaya kong binati ang mga bata. dahil alam kong minsan lamang sa buhay nila magaganap ang ganitong okasyon. at ako naman, na di lamang kanilang guro kundi kaibigan na rin, ay nakikiisa sa kanilang kagalakan ü
inaamin ko, hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay madali para sa akin ang maging masaya. madalas, lalung-lalo na ngayong summer na napakaraming mga gawaing naghihintay na mapagtuunan ng pansin. kadalasan ay ‘di ko na nakukuhang ngumiti; minsan nga ay nasusungitan ko ang ilang mga kasama ko - sa trabaho, at pati na rin sa community.
ngunit ngayong umaga, nagpapasalamat ako sa panginoon dahil pinadama ulit niya sa akin ang kasiyahang bunga ng paglilingkod. naniniwala akong hindi lamang sa simbahan at sa community maisasagawa ang paninilbihan sa kanya. sa ating mga opisina.. sa ating mga pamilya.. at sa lahat ng mga taong ating nakakasalamuha.. tayo ay maaaring maglingkod sa kanya ü
maraming salamat, panginoon, dahil ipinakita mo sa akin ang iyong pagmamahal sa ngiti at nagniningning na mata ng mga taong pinagsisilbihan ko. tunay ngang sa paglilingkod ay may saya.. basta’t narito ka sa puso ko ü
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
empty
this is what my brain is like as i’m typing this piece. empty. once again i find myself staring at my pc screen for too many long hours.. without having typed a coherent sentence. it’s not that i don’t have anything to write about. in fact, i have quite a number of topics lined up. but the words just won’t come :(
fatigue.. sleep deprivation.. overly-hectic skeds and piles of unfinished work (ack!! the deadlines!!!) all contribute to my current condition. but after fruitless hours in front of my computer, i finally decided to just write about what i’m experiencing - emptiness :p
for me, not being able to direct my thoughts is a very frightening experience. i’m used to planning my day.. almost to the point of OC-ness. i want to be sure of things - where i’ll be going, what i’ll be doing at what time, how i’ll go to a certain place, etc. and i’m used to having *lots* of ideas in my head. and i mean *lots* hahaha (for those not in the know, i’m the multitasking queen :p) so tonight, as i type down these words.. i feel.. impatient.
but being empty is not always a bad thing. because, oftentimes, “one has to empty himself before he can be filled” and there are moments when we simply have to wait.. to rest.. to “do nothing”.. so that we can accomplish what we have been tasked to do :)
this easter season presents us with christianity’s most powerful symbol of hope: the empty tomb. in the cross, we have proof of god’s tremendous love for us. but in his empty tomb, we have the hope of both salvation and resurrection :)
brothers and sisters, we all have burdens. we have our plans.. we have our own ideas of how things should be. but we do not simply stop at laying our cares before the foot of the cross. because our true redemption.. our true hope comes from emptying ourselves to receive god’s guidance and lordship over our hearts and minds :)
may he bring you great joy and peace.. and may you continue to trust in his plan for your life!
a blessed easter season to everyone :)
fatigue.. sleep deprivation.. overly-hectic skeds and piles of unfinished work (ack!! the deadlines!!!) all contribute to my current condition. but after fruitless hours in front of my computer, i finally decided to just write about what i’m experiencing - emptiness :p
for me, not being able to direct my thoughts is a very frightening experience. i’m used to planning my day.. almost to the point of OC-ness. i want to be sure of things - where i’ll be going, what i’ll be doing at what time, how i’ll go to a certain place, etc. and i’m used to having *lots* of ideas in my head. and i mean *lots* hahaha (for those not in the know, i’m the multitasking queen :p) so tonight, as i type down these words.. i feel.. impatient.
but being empty is not always a bad thing. because, oftentimes, “one has to empty himself before he can be filled” and there are moments when we simply have to wait.. to rest.. to “do nothing”.. so that we can accomplish what we have been tasked to do :)
this easter season presents us with christianity’s most powerful symbol of hope: the empty tomb. in the cross, we have proof of god’s tremendous love for us. but in his empty tomb, we have the hope of both salvation and resurrection :)
brothers and sisters, we all have burdens. we have our plans.. we have our own ideas of how things should be. but we do not simply stop at laying our cares before the foot of the cross. because our true redemption.. our true hope comes from emptying ourselves to receive god’s guidance and lordship over our hearts and minds :)
may he bring you great joy and peace.. and may you continue to trust in his plan for your life!
a blessed easter season to everyone :)
Monday, February 25, 2008
beautiful girls
it never ceases to amaze me. never.
every year, when i attend junior-senior proms, i always find myself surprised to see my students so elegantly.. transfigured! and always, there would be a handful of them that i’d fail to recognize, simply because their transformation is so completely wonderful, it’s hard to match them up to their usual “uniformed” look :)
last saturday (feb 23 - the date of this year’s prom) was no exception. the boys looked dashing in their suits. and the girls.. well, they were all so.. stunning :p they were elegantly dressed; they walked with poise (in high, high heels!!); and not a single strand of hair was out of place. obviously, they spent *a lot* of time preparing for this special occasion.
philippians 3:20-21 says, “but our citizenship is in heaven. and we eagerly await a savior from there, the lord jesus christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” as i sat there observing the juniors and seniors at their best garbs (and mostly, on their best behavior, hehe), i realized that all of us, too, will undergo a similar transformation - albeit in a much grander scale :)
“..he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of christ jesus.” philippians 1:6 we will not always be the way we are - with our frail bodies and our numerous imperfections. someday, the lord who called us in his love will make us truly glorious. he will transform, not just our bodies, but our character.. so that we will be just as he is: perfect.
brothers and sisters, we are all beautiful in his eyes. because he sees not only what we are right now.. but *what we will be* when we are finally with him :) nevertheless, let’s all do our share and prepare for that special moment, ok? :) because he deserves the best that we can offer.. the best of ourselves :)
so this lenten season, let’s take the time to prepare our bodies and our hearts.. for the love of our lives - our god :)
as for me.. i want to be beautiful - outside and, of course, inside :) because nothing would make me happier than to have him look at me and say, “you are *exactly* the way i want you to be - beautiful and perfect - just like me” :)
every year, when i attend junior-senior proms, i always find myself surprised to see my students so elegantly.. transfigured! and always, there would be a handful of them that i’d fail to recognize, simply because their transformation is so completely wonderful, it’s hard to match them up to their usual “uniformed” look :)
last saturday (feb 23 - the date of this year’s prom) was no exception. the boys looked dashing in their suits. and the girls.. well, they were all so.. stunning :p they were elegantly dressed; they walked with poise (in high, high heels!!); and not a single strand of hair was out of place. obviously, they spent *a lot* of time preparing for this special occasion.
philippians 3:20-21 says, “but our citizenship is in heaven. and we eagerly await a savior from there, the lord jesus christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” as i sat there observing the juniors and seniors at their best garbs (and mostly, on their best behavior, hehe), i realized that all of us, too, will undergo a similar transformation - albeit in a much grander scale :)
“..he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of christ jesus.” philippians 1:6 we will not always be the way we are - with our frail bodies and our numerous imperfections. someday, the lord who called us in his love will make us truly glorious. he will transform, not just our bodies, but our character.. so that we will be just as he is: perfect.
brothers and sisters, we are all beautiful in his eyes. because he sees not only what we are right now.. but *what we will be* when we are finally with him :) nevertheless, let’s all do our share and prepare for that special moment, ok? :) because he deserves the best that we can offer.. the best of ourselves :)
so this lenten season, let’s take the time to prepare our bodies and our hearts.. for the love of our lives - our god :)
as for me.. i want to be beautiful - outside and, of course, inside :) because nothing would make me happier than to have him look at me and say, “you are *exactly* the way i want you to be - beautiful and perfect - just like me” :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
irreplaceable
last sunday, mom and i were looking at some clothes at a shop in megamall. mom, wallet in hand, browsed through the different racks while i debated whether i should buy a blouse that caught my eye. next thing i knew, mom was coming over to me in a panic. her wallet was missing.
we were fussing over her missing purse at the store. mom was anxious to find it since, aside from the cash, it also contained her IDs, cards, prayers and some sentimental stuff. after several agonizing minutes, we still couldn’t find it anywhere in the store. we decided to just go home. mom felt really, really down.
then at around 8pm, someone called our house. the caller identified herself as an sm employee. she informed us that my mom’s wallet has been found - without the cash inside, but with all the IDs intact. we all breathed a sigh of relief and whispered a prayer of thanks.
so what did we learn from all this?
* money is, by far, not the most important thing in the world. the money we lose can always be replaced. but the good times, happy memories, and little tokens of love that we keep.. those are truly are more precious than money.
* sometimes, god allows us to go through some not-so-good experiences - whether to teach us a lesson or to manifest his glory. we all learned to be more careful with our things that sunday. and we also recognized his hand working to give back what we thought lost forever.
what would you consider irreplaceable in your life? what counts as your most treasured possession? is it wealth? health? career? reputation? a loved one, perhaps? what if, one day, you were to lose this “irreplaceable” thing? would you still be able to see god’s goodness?
may we always find it in our hearts to trust in the lord and to thank him - regardless of circumstances.
we were fussing over her missing purse at the store. mom was anxious to find it since, aside from the cash, it also contained her IDs, cards, prayers and some sentimental stuff. after several agonizing minutes, we still couldn’t find it anywhere in the store. we decided to just go home. mom felt really, really down.
then at around 8pm, someone called our house. the caller identified herself as an sm employee. she informed us that my mom’s wallet has been found - without the cash inside, but with all the IDs intact. we all breathed a sigh of relief and whispered a prayer of thanks.
so what did we learn from all this?
* money is, by far, not the most important thing in the world. the money we lose can always be replaced. but the good times, happy memories, and little tokens of love that we keep.. those are truly are more precious than money.
* sometimes, god allows us to go through some not-so-good experiences - whether to teach us a lesson or to manifest his glory. we all learned to be more careful with our things that sunday. and we also recognized his hand working to give back what we thought lost forever.
what would you consider irreplaceable in your life? what counts as your most treasured possession? is it wealth? health? career? reputation? a loved one, perhaps? what if, one day, you were to lose this “irreplaceable” thing? would you still be able to see god’s goodness?
may we always find it in our hearts to trust in the lord and to thank him - regardless of circumstances.
Monday, February 11, 2008
someone to love
“heaven please send to all mankind, understanding and peace of mind. but, if it's not asking too much, please send me someone to love” - sade
it’s *that* time of the year again - when everything seems to be painted in shades of red and pink. when flowers (roses, in particular) are bought even at exorbitant prices. when hundreds of couples h-h-w-w, whispering sweet nothings to each other. yep. it’s *that* crazy day in february - the day of hearts - valentine’s day.
don’t get me wrong. i don’t *hate* this holiday. and though i sometimes get a bit uncomfortable seeing so many couples displaying love & affection, i don’t get all worked up about it. what bugs me about feb14 is the fact that it’s mainly celebrated as a “couples’ day”; and, as a single (read: unattached) person, i can’t help but feel left out.
to be loved - i guess this is something that every one of us wants. after all, it is wonderful to be showered with attention.. to receive tokens of affection.. especially during this day of hearts.
but more than that, i believe we also want to be given the chance to *express* our love. sure, it feels nice to receive flowers.. or chocolates.. or those mushy love notes. but it feels even better (for me, at least) when you have that special someone whom you think about 24/7. that someone you shop presents for. someone you write cheesy lines to. someone you can send sappy text messages to.. or call before you sleep, just to say goodnight.
well, brothers and sisters, i believe that if we feel the need to express our love, the lord has an even greater desire to show us his love and affection :) he certainly thinks of us day and night. he provides us with all our needs and showers us with his blessings. he gives us his holy word - filled with promises of love and mercy. he patiently waits to talk to us before the day ends.. and he is there to eagerly greet us as we awake each morning :)
looking for someone to love? why not spend this day with him “who first loved us” (1 john 4:19)? you can be sure that with him, you will never feel left out :) happy valentine’s day, everyone! :)
it’s *that* time of the year again - when everything seems to be painted in shades of red and pink. when flowers (roses, in particular) are bought even at exorbitant prices. when hundreds of couples h-h-w-w, whispering sweet nothings to each other. yep. it’s *that* crazy day in february - the day of hearts - valentine’s day.
don’t get me wrong. i don’t *hate* this holiday. and though i sometimes get a bit uncomfortable seeing so many couples displaying love & affection, i don’t get all worked up about it. what bugs me about feb14 is the fact that it’s mainly celebrated as a “couples’ day”; and, as a single (read: unattached) person, i can’t help but feel left out.
to be loved - i guess this is something that every one of us wants. after all, it is wonderful to be showered with attention.. to receive tokens of affection.. especially during this day of hearts.
but more than that, i believe we also want to be given the chance to *express* our love. sure, it feels nice to receive flowers.. or chocolates.. or those mushy love notes. but it feels even better (for me, at least) when you have that special someone whom you think about 24/7. that someone you shop presents for. someone you write cheesy lines to. someone you can send sappy text messages to.. or call before you sleep, just to say goodnight.
well, brothers and sisters, i believe that if we feel the need to express our love, the lord has an even greater desire to show us his love and affection :) he certainly thinks of us day and night. he provides us with all our needs and showers us with his blessings. he gives us his holy word - filled with promises of love and mercy. he patiently waits to talk to us before the day ends.. and he is there to eagerly greet us as we awake each morning :)
looking for someone to love? why not spend this day with him “who first loved us” (1 john 4:19)? you can be sure that with him, you will never feel left out :) happy valentine’s day, everyone! :)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
wistful thinking
it’s the last week of january.. and soon, the school year will be drawing to a close. *sigh* why is it that time flies so fast nowadays?
one of the hardest things to deal with for a teacher is the end of each school year. mostly because it is at this time when grades are computed, nominees for various awards are ranked, the list of graduating students is prepared, removal exams are administered, etc. for a 4th year teacher like me, though, it’s not the additional work load that’s difficult. rather, it’s the realization that my students - the ones i’ve bonded with and grown fond of - will be leaving high school to go to college.
for the past 11 years, i’ve been going through this “wistful” phase every april (that’s when our school holds its commencement exercises). i can’t help it. i always wonder, “handa na nga kaya silang pumunta sa kolehiyo? naturuan kaya namin sila nang mabuti?” maybe this is how parents feel when their children are growing up and leaving the fold (i could only imagine, of course.. ‘coz i’m not a parent, hehehe). naturally i want *all* my senior students to graduate on time. after all their hard work and all the years of studying, of course i feel proud of them. still, there’s this part of me that wants them to stay on.. just to make sure they *really* are ready.. and because familiar faces are always a source of comfort.
it is said that “everybody grows old. but not everybody grows up.” and i think it’s because it is so hard for us to let go of what we have been used to.. what we are comfortable with. we are afraid of what might happen when we take on new challenges.. when we face new opportunities. growing old is mandatory. but no one can force us to grow up if we refuse to.
in a few months, my “kids” will be leaving their comfort zones - their barkadas, high school classrooms and teachers. they will soon have new adventures.. new challenges that would test their skills.. new chances for growth. i know that even now, they have their fears (as do i); but i know too that they are also excited to find out what lies in store for them in college. if they stay in secondary school.. if they refuse to go beyond what they have gotten used to.. then they would miss out on all the opportunities for improvement.
brothers and sisters, we too are supposed to grow. we should grow, not only in years, but in wisdom, in faith and in love. the number of years that we stay in community is not what matters most. rather, it is what we learn about ourselves - our weaknesses, our strengths, our dedication and commitment, how we face our fears, how we get past the numerous obstacles in service - that counts.
we will not be here forever. eventually, all of us will “graduate” from this life. and while we’re still here, let us make the most of it :) let us serve the lord - not just here in rivers, but *everywhere* - in our homes, at work, etc. because every thing, every time, every place is an opportunity for christian growth. and if only we keep our eyes (and our hearts) open to his leading, then growing up will be more exciting than it is intimidating :)
one of the hardest things to deal with for a teacher is the end of each school year. mostly because it is at this time when grades are computed, nominees for various awards are ranked, the list of graduating students is prepared, removal exams are administered, etc. for a 4th year teacher like me, though, it’s not the additional work load that’s difficult. rather, it’s the realization that my students - the ones i’ve bonded with and grown fond of - will be leaving high school to go to college.
for the past 11 years, i’ve been going through this “wistful” phase every april (that’s when our school holds its commencement exercises). i can’t help it. i always wonder, “handa na nga kaya silang pumunta sa kolehiyo? naturuan kaya namin sila nang mabuti?” maybe this is how parents feel when their children are growing up and leaving the fold (i could only imagine, of course.. ‘coz i’m not a parent, hehehe). naturally i want *all* my senior students to graduate on time. after all their hard work and all the years of studying, of course i feel proud of them. still, there’s this part of me that wants them to stay on.. just to make sure they *really* are ready.. and because familiar faces are always a source of comfort.
it is said that “everybody grows old. but not everybody grows up.” and i think it’s because it is so hard for us to let go of what we have been used to.. what we are comfortable with. we are afraid of what might happen when we take on new challenges.. when we face new opportunities. growing old is mandatory. but no one can force us to grow up if we refuse to.
in a few months, my “kids” will be leaving their comfort zones - their barkadas, high school classrooms and teachers. they will soon have new adventures.. new challenges that would test their skills.. new chances for growth. i know that even now, they have their fears (as do i); but i know too that they are also excited to find out what lies in store for them in college. if they stay in secondary school.. if they refuse to go beyond what they have gotten used to.. then they would miss out on all the opportunities for improvement.
brothers and sisters, we too are supposed to grow. we should grow, not only in years, but in wisdom, in faith and in love. the number of years that we stay in community is not what matters most. rather, it is what we learn about ourselves - our weaknesses, our strengths, our dedication and commitment, how we face our fears, how we get past the numerous obstacles in service - that counts.
we will not be here forever. eventually, all of us will “graduate” from this life. and while we’re still here, let us make the most of it :) let us serve the lord - not just here in rivers, but *everywhere* - in our homes, at work, etc. because every thing, every time, every place is an opportunity for christian growth. and if only we keep our eyes (and our hearts) open to his leading, then growing up will be more exciting than it is intimidating :)
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
i adore you
he’s 5’8” tall. fair-skinned. aquiline nose. has a sort of piercing stare. well-known. as in rock-star famous. loves to wear black. listens to lou reed’s music. has a weird sense of humor. he’s in his forties. has three kids. goes online everyday to update his journal. his name is neil gaiman. and he’s my favorite author :)
i know a lot of trivia about neil. like the fact that he was born on november 10, 1960. and that he’s a techie.. and that he finds the philippines interesting. i have read almost all of his books and graphic novels. i even have a picture of him saved in my pc, hahaha! :p
yup. i am a certified neil gaiman fan. i simply looooooove the guy. for me, he’s a genius. but for all my “starstruck-ness” and loyalty to *the* gaiman, i would have to admit that i don’t adore him. how can i?! i don’t really *know* him :p i mean, sure.. i know lots of stuff *about* him. but neil the person.. the guy he really is (as opposed to his public image - the writer/artist/star).. well, i know next to nothing about that.
i think, for the most part, that’s how we start our christian journey. sure, we are all blessed to be living in a predominantly catholic country. so in a way, we have a “head start” in our knowledge of the lord. we hear a lot of “god stuff,” actually, even without meaning to. probably even the most irregular churchgoer would have heard about the holy trinity, jesus’ ministry and miracles, his death and resurrection, his mother and her immaculate conception, the workings of the holy spirit, the empowerment of the disciples, and many more.
but when we think about it, how many of us *really* know god? how many of us can honestly say that we know him personally? as fr. mar asked last sunday in the recommitment seminar.. “do we have a heightened sense of being loved by the lord?”
when i joined the rivers community some 12 years ago, i already knew quite a lot of “god stuff” - things i learned when i was attending our christian bible study group in college. but that was all i knew about him, really - trivia. head knowledge. stuff anybody can look for in books or the internet.
but it was through the rivers family that god truly made himself known to me. it was through this community that i learned to call him lord. and it was through ministry service that i learned the really important things. like how he smiles when i do even the most menial tasks with dedication. or how he has this habit of speaking to my heart when i least expect to hear from him. or his fondness for answering my “lambing” prayers, chuckling whenever i get surprised. or how, at times, he would let me cry copious tears.. and then comfort me with his hugs and console me with his words.
these days, i still learn a lot of new things about god. the community certainly offers a lot of opportunities for nourishment - what with the worship inputs, formation & empowerment seminars and various talks. but serving in rivers has also taught me to seek the better.. nay, the *best* part: god himself.
he’s no longer simply the god i look up to heaven to pray to. he’s no longer “out there, watching me.” he now is the god i look into my heart to talk to.. to confide in.. to seek consolation from. he is my “cheer-upper” and “sanity-keeper”.. my “sumbungan” and advocate. he is my ever-present friend.
i know him now. and oh, how i adore.. :)
i know a lot of trivia about neil. like the fact that he was born on november 10, 1960. and that he’s a techie.. and that he finds the philippines interesting. i have read almost all of his books and graphic novels. i even have a picture of him saved in my pc, hahaha! :p
yup. i am a certified neil gaiman fan. i simply looooooove the guy. for me, he’s a genius. but for all my “starstruck-ness” and loyalty to *the* gaiman, i would have to admit that i don’t adore him. how can i?! i don’t really *know* him :p i mean, sure.. i know lots of stuff *about* him. but neil the person.. the guy he really is (as opposed to his public image - the writer/artist/star).. well, i know next to nothing about that.
i think, for the most part, that’s how we start our christian journey. sure, we are all blessed to be living in a predominantly catholic country. so in a way, we have a “head start” in our knowledge of the lord. we hear a lot of “god stuff,” actually, even without meaning to. probably even the most irregular churchgoer would have heard about the holy trinity, jesus’ ministry and miracles, his death and resurrection, his mother and her immaculate conception, the workings of the holy spirit, the empowerment of the disciples, and many more.
but when we think about it, how many of us *really* know god? how many of us can honestly say that we know him personally? as fr. mar asked last sunday in the recommitment seminar.. “do we have a heightened sense of being loved by the lord?”
when i joined the rivers community some 12 years ago, i already knew quite a lot of “god stuff” - things i learned when i was attending our christian bible study group in college. but that was all i knew about him, really - trivia. head knowledge. stuff anybody can look for in books or the internet.
but it was through the rivers family that god truly made himself known to me. it was through this community that i learned to call him lord. and it was through ministry service that i learned the really important things. like how he smiles when i do even the most menial tasks with dedication. or how he has this habit of speaking to my heart when i least expect to hear from him. or his fondness for answering my “lambing” prayers, chuckling whenever i get surprised. or how, at times, he would let me cry copious tears.. and then comfort me with his hugs and console me with his words.
these days, i still learn a lot of new things about god. the community certainly offers a lot of opportunities for nourishment - what with the worship inputs, formation & empowerment seminars and various talks. but serving in rivers has also taught me to seek the better.. nay, the *best* part: god himself.
he’s no longer simply the god i look up to heaven to pray to. he’s no longer “out there, watching me.” he now is the god i look into my heart to talk to.. to confide in.. to seek consolation from. he is my “cheer-upper” and “sanity-keeper”.. my “sumbungan” and advocate. he is my ever-present friend.
i know him now. and oh, how i adore.. :)
Friday, January 18, 2008
shameless plug xD
This is where the Rivers of Living Water Catholic Community (or RoLWCC) gets its name.
This community (which was established in 1992 by its twenty-two founding members) is living up to its mission – to renew, develop and form believers to make worship their way of life, enabling them to draw others to God in fellowship and committed service.
And it is this – the dedication, passion and worshipful service – that sets the Rivers of Living Water apart. It is no wonder, then, that through the years, the community has been invited by other Catholic organizations to be their partner in various services. The RoLWCC’s undeniable charism of worship, especially through music and dance, has served to uplift and inspire so many people – the different transparochial groups during Pentecost celebrations, the homebound viewers of the Live TV Mass on Sundays and most recently, the group of Father Fernando Suarez, the renowned healing priest.
Monday, January 14, 2008
what matters most
this is the article i included in our newsletter. i guess after pouring out all my frustrations (and sadness) in my previous article, i felt a lot better. so instead of dampening other readers' spirits, i thought i'd write *this* instead :p
*sigh* i did not plan on starting this year full of cynicism. then again, i did not plan to end 2007 full of resentment either.
it’s been months since i last wrote a reflection for the newsletter. i could say i’ve been very busy.. and there was no space left for me to write an article.. and anyway there were more than enough contributors. and i’d be telling the truth. but not the whole truth.
i haven’t written anything for a long time because i needed a break. i’ve been writing on a weekly basis for two straight years.. trying my best to see god’s face in literally everything - from work stuff to songs & quotes to weird fish to martial arts and math. and while expressing oneself can be extremely rewarding, there comes a time when you run out of ideas.. out of energy.. out of interest.
i also stopped writing because, in a not-so-funny, twisted way, i wanted to go on strike. why? well, this would sound *really* shallow.. but it’s the truth: i was sulking.
yes. sulking.
one of my close friends did something that really hurt me. it wasn’t anything close to murder.. but it really upset me and made me feel so bad about myself. and that set off an avalanche of other negative emotions in me. hence, the sulking. and the “writer’s strike.”
but there must be something about the start of a new year that helps put things in perspective. because, in spite of myself, i realize that my sulking isn’t doing anyone any good. it certainly isn’t doing *me* any good - because it prevents me from expressing myself and it stops me from giving god glory through the gift of writing.
besides, all that sulking just magnified all the resentment, disappointment and bitterness i felt. and that really stops me from seeing the “god factor” in anything :p
so with this piece, i officially end my 3-month hiatus :) and i’m looking forward to seeing god in the oddest things (a physics lecture, laundry soap, my lunchbox, car wipers, for starters!) once more :p
brothers and sisters, we christians are not exempt from mood swings and sulking moments. none of us can be cheery and sunshiny 24/7. people will hurt us.. just as surely as we will hurt them. and there may be times when we would choose to hide.. shy away from service.. or pout even as we give our offering.
but let us not allow those moments to last long. there’s a time to sulk.. and a time to finally get back on track :)
after all, while our comfort.. our feelings.. and our sense of “rightness” are important, what *really* matters is our heart for god.
may you find peace, love and *joy* in serving him.. who is the source of all good things :) god bless!
* * *
2008 did not start the way i wanted it to. i had no new year’s resolutions.. no promises to myself or to others.. not even a feeling of a new start nor hopeful expectations.*sigh* i did not plan on starting this year full of cynicism. then again, i did not plan to end 2007 full of resentment either.
it’s been months since i last wrote a reflection for the newsletter. i could say i’ve been very busy.. and there was no space left for me to write an article.. and anyway there were more than enough contributors. and i’d be telling the truth. but not the whole truth.
i haven’t written anything for a long time because i needed a break. i’ve been writing on a weekly basis for two straight years.. trying my best to see god’s face in literally everything - from work stuff to songs & quotes to weird fish to martial arts and math. and while expressing oneself can be extremely rewarding, there comes a time when you run out of ideas.. out of energy.. out of interest.
i also stopped writing because, in a not-so-funny, twisted way, i wanted to go on strike. why? well, this would sound *really* shallow.. but it’s the truth: i was sulking.
yes. sulking.
one of my close friends did something that really hurt me. it wasn’t anything close to murder.. but it really upset me and made me feel so bad about myself. and that set off an avalanche of other negative emotions in me. hence, the sulking. and the “writer’s strike.”
but there must be something about the start of a new year that helps put things in perspective. because, in spite of myself, i realize that my sulking isn’t doing anyone any good. it certainly isn’t doing *me* any good - because it prevents me from expressing myself and it stops me from giving god glory through the gift of writing.
besides, all that sulking just magnified all the resentment, disappointment and bitterness i felt. and that really stops me from seeing the “god factor” in anything :p
so with this piece, i officially end my 3-month hiatus :) and i’m looking forward to seeing god in the oddest things (a physics lecture, laundry soap, my lunchbox, car wipers, for starters!) once more :p
brothers and sisters, we christians are not exempt from mood swings and sulking moments. none of us can be cheery and sunshiny 24/7. people will hurt us.. just as surely as we will hurt them. and there may be times when we would choose to hide.. shy away from service.. or pout even as we give our offering.
but let us not allow those moments to last long. there’s a time to sulk.. and a time to finally get back on track :)
after all, while our comfort.. our feelings.. and our sense of “rightness” are important, what *really* matters is our heart for god.
may you find peace, love and *joy* in serving him.. who is the source of all good things :) god bless!
lay your hands on me
it’s been months since i last wrote a reflection for the newsletter. i could say i’ve been very busy.. and there was no space left for me to write an article.. and anyway there were more than enough contributors. and i’d be telling the truth. but not the whole truth.
one of the reasons why i haven’t written anything for a long time is because i needed a break. i’ve been writing on a weekly basis for two straight years.. trying my best to see god’s face in literally everything - from work stuff to songs & quotes to weird fish to martial arts and math. and while expressing oneself can be extremely rewarding, there comes a time when you run out of ideas.. out of energy.. and eventually, interest.
to be very honest, i wanted a break, not just from writing, but from *everything.* i hated going to work. i stopped doing the things i used to love - reading, writing and even using my pc. i shied away from my friends, preferring to be alone. and when december came - with everyone feeling so cheery, and with all the festivities going on around me that i could not seem to relate to - i felt even worse.
at some point, i found myself unable to express my thoughts and my feelings. i harbored resentment towards some of the people closest to me.. and i could not tell them. i had feelings of hurt and disappointment.. and i could not explain myself rationally. i tried my best to maintain a calm, cool exterior. but deep inside, i was just about ready to explode. and i didn’t even know *why.*
to “lay a hand” on someone means to lash out.. to strike.. to hurt that person. and i have to admit, there were times when i wanted to do just that - let others feel the hurt they caused me. i’m not proud of myself for thinking that way.. but that’s how bad i felt.
then today, as i was looking for devotionals to include in this issue, i happened upon an article called “what god says about you” (see page 7). and towards the end, it says, “when we look for god, we will find him. the lord will not abandon us. (deut 4:30-31)“ and that simple statement struck me. i did not plan to write a reflection for this week.. but after i read that, i decided to give it a try once more.
hiding is not always bad. in fact, we are often encouraged to go on “retreats” - to spend some time away from our usual activities and the busy environment we are in. but these retreats are not meant to be spent alone. when we go to our private hideaways, we are meant to meet up with our lord. because if we retreat into our own shells just to keep the world out.. if we refuse to listen to anyone except ourselves.. then we will have nobody’s hand to hold but our own.
this christian walk certainly is not easy. we get hurt.. and we hurt others too. some people get to lay a hand on us.. other times, we lay a hand on them. but in spite of the difficulties, when we continue to seek the lord, he will always show himself to us. for he is a god who never abandons us.
and god will lay his hands on us. not to lash out. not to strike. not to hurt us. but to fill us with his spirit - of love, of joy and of peace - once more.
one of the reasons why i haven’t written anything for a long time is because i needed a break. i’ve been writing on a weekly basis for two straight years.. trying my best to see god’s face in literally everything - from work stuff to songs & quotes to weird fish to martial arts and math. and while expressing oneself can be extremely rewarding, there comes a time when you run out of ideas.. out of energy.. and eventually, interest.
to be very honest, i wanted a break, not just from writing, but from *everything.* i hated going to work. i stopped doing the things i used to love - reading, writing and even using my pc. i shied away from my friends, preferring to be alone. and when december came - with everyone feeling so cheery, and with all the festivities going on around me that i could not seem to relate to - i felt even worse.
at some point, i found myself unable to express my thoughts and my feelings. i harbored resentment towards some of the people closest to me.. and i could not tell them. i had feelings of hurt and disappointment.. and i could not explain myself rationally. i tried my best to maintain a calm, cool exterior. but deep inside, i was just about ready to explode. and i didn’t even know *why.*
to “lay a hand” on someone means to lash out.. to strike.. to hurt that person. and i have to admit, there were times when i wanted to do just that - let others feel the hurt they caused me. i’m not proud of myself for thinking that way.. but that’s how bad i felt.
then today, as i was looking for devotionals to include in this issue, i happened upon an article called “what god says about you” (see page 7). and towards the end, it says, “when we look for god, we will find him. the lord will not abandon us. (deut 4:30-31)“ and that simple statement struck me. i did not plan to write a reflection for this week.. but after i read that, i decided to give it a try once more.
hiding is not always bad. in fact, we are often encouraged to go on “retreats” - to spend some time away from our usual activities and the busy environment we are in. but these retreats are not meant to be spent alone. when we go to our private hideaways, we are meant to meet up with our lord. because if we retreat into our own shells just to keep the world out.. if we refuse to listen to anyone except ourselves.. then we will have nobody’s hand to hold but our own.
this christian walk certainly is not easy. we get hurt.. and we hurt others too. some people get to lay a hand on us.. other times, we lay a hand on them. but in spite of the difficulties, when we continue to seek the lord, he will always show himself to us. for he is a god who never abandons us.
and god will lay his hands on us. not to lash out. not to strike. not to hurt us. but to fill us with his spirit - of love, of joy and of peace - once more.
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